The Mini Van Soap Box

I had to pause my tv rather quickly to rush over here to post something.

This is by far the most ridiculous thing I have EVER seen on tv. Ever. Ever ever ever.

And I watch a LOT of tv, ya'll know that.

With the writers strike in full force, and no end in sight, the reality tv is coming out of the wood work. As I've stated many times before, while although I am a tv whore, I do draw the line on some things.

I hate any sort of tv where love is the goal. Finding and/or falling in love with your one true soul mate - on national television is ludicous to me. If there is anything we've learned from reality tv - it's that people are either going to be the worst or best of themselves....chances are - not their NORMAL selves.

So enter the newest and darkest of IDIOCY of reality tv.

"The Moment of Truth"

Before the "game" even starts you've been separated from people and hooked up to a polygraph and asked a million questions.

Then you are put on national television and asked 21 of those questions. Answer the question, the same way you did on your polygraph, and you'll win money.

Easy enough, right?

Not so much - they ask horrible questions. And in some cases they bring out the very thing that the question is about.

Case in point: Let's say that obese people repulse you. The person that asks you that question is pushing 450 pounds. You have to look that person in the face and answer "yes" - or else you'll lose ever dollar you've made to that point.

It's starts off easy enough. "Have you ever suspected a friend of yours has made a pass at your wife?" "Have you ever called in sick to work, and not been sick?". With each question they get more difficult, more personal, more hurtful.

"Do you love one of your children more than the other?". "Do you truly believe that you will be married to your spouse in five years?" "Is there a reason why your spouse should not trust you?" "Since you've been married, have you used the internet to flirt with another woman?" (and I'm only 20 minutes into this show...it CAN'T get any better!)

Your family is sitting right in front of you. Your wife. Husband. Father. Mother. CHILDREN.

Let's be honest. There is something we are ALL hiding - or rather don't want someone to know. These people work in tv and I gaurantee they will find a way to find out what you DON'T want anyone else to know.

If the all american dollar is so damn important to you - that you are willing to do anything to get it ... Go for it.

Just don't be surprised if your girlfriend hasn't moved out by the time you get home.

I've been single parenting for the last week, with one more week to go. The husband has left me for a titillating two week trip to Cincinnati. (yea, I'm not real upset about not being able to go on THAT one) In that time - when only one parent is available to entertain the spawn - it's necessary to come up with interesting activities. I've been lucky that we've been doused with a good six inches of snow. Outside activities are always a good choice. 1 - she's not making a mess in my house. 2. - outside activities seem to tire her out more than inside ones.

So, Friday afternoon found us outside - just mother and child - for what I was hoping would be a magical afternoon in the snow. Movie style was what I had in my head. The joyous occasion of gentle snow falling on our heads. Making snow angels hand in hand. An impromptu snow ball fight. Finding sticks and coal to complete the look of our perfect snow man. And then ending the day in front of our warm fire with hot cocoa.

Not so much.

What actually happened was more a of Greek tragedy. First, we do not have the proper garments in this house for any sort of wet weather frolicking. Hats, gloves, coats - yes. Boots and snow pants - No. So, after some creative thinking on my part, we bundled up in what we had - and then taped plastic baggies to her feet. While although that only took me about 4 seconds to type - It took about 25 minutes to do in real life.

So, of course the FIRST thing we had to do once we got outside was go 'pee pee'. Guess what? We didn't make it fast enough. So - new pants, socks, and panties. Tape her back up and proceed.

I find it interesting that for a child that was so damn excited about going outside to play...once she got outside - stood like a stone and refused to move. Don't get me wrong - she was happy as a clam. Just standing. Like a doofus. I thought maybe it was the zip lock bags on her legs...Because, seriously - must be a pretty weird sensation to walk on the inside of a plastic bag - not to mention slippery.

I ripped those off....Only to have her continue to stand.

Now she's starting to get irritated at me because I'm not playing.

Interesting turn of events. Apparently we're outside so I can enjoy the first snow fall of the year...and she'll just watch? I guess not a bad idea when you think about it. Why exert yourself - when someone else will do it for you.

Eventually the rain and sleet started so our afternoon had to come to an end. The hot cocoa did happen. However, it was more of a "gimmee that hot cocoa or I'll wake up at 3:30 and throw my Dora doll at your head".

We made it out again today. After yesterdays dress rehearsal I was much better about the prep work - and the potty break before I even grabbed her coat.

Sadly, the snow has lost much of it luster and has taken on that sheen of ice on the top - that if your light enough - you can walk on top of (much like Legolas from Lord of the Rings). Snow man and snow ball making are pretty much not an option at this point.

It's at this point that I start to get ordered what to do....where to go...what to grab...what snow to use...and how to use it.

What follows is the conceptual art that my child created - without moving a muscle.

I need to explain one thing. What, to me, looks like an erect penis is actually a miniature snowman that I made the day before when trying to show her that snow was cool. She decided at the end of our castle/moat/weird dune of snow structure that the old snowman, that has now melted a bit and is starting to resemble a snowman with a bad case of osteoporosis needs to be placed on the dune of snow.

THAT was the only thing that she actually did. Everything else was an order.

Why I really hate here it sometimes.





January is the official kick-off of me being a cold whiny ass baby for the next two months.

Global warming my ass...