We're home from school/work, dinner has been served, and all three of us are curled up on the couch for an evening chock full of reruns. Out of the corner of my ever so bionic mother eye, I notice something peculiar in my daughters ear. A red river of gushing blood to be exact.

There have been many things that have gushed out of her ear before, I'm very well versed in the child ear ailments at this point in my life. However, bright red blood is a first for us. Needless to say, slightly alarming.

"Baby, does your ear hurt?"

"No, I'm happy"

"Does it hurt when I pull on it like this" (pulling slightly)


"Sweetie, do you feel okay?"

"I love you mama"

Really not exaggerating much ... that was the conversation. However, I'm thinking blood gushing is not necessarily the sign of a 100% healthy child. The thing is, (and the thing I'm sure is going to have Social Services knocking on my door any day now), is that she has SUCH a high tolerance for pain. Bump her toe ever so slightly on a door and she'll cry for an hour and want a band aid....Burst an eye drum (just a year ago) we won't know until her ear starts to smell bad.

I'm really not kidding.

I heard an interesting story about Big B just last night from my mom - after bitching about the nurse at the emergency room that kept asking "You didn't notice ANY sign of pain?". Turns out that when she was little she had an abscess in her ear. Yea....chew on that for a second. I can't imagine how much that hurt. However, they didn't even know until she hugged her the wrong way. Just a little pressure in the right place and she was screaming like the devil was chasing her.

Kind of the same thing with us....minus the abscess. Thank God.

So, because she NEVER gets sick during normal business hours, emergency room last night, where the nurse and doctor scared the crap out of us. I swear we watched that kid all night like her head was going to blow up at any minute.

Call to the her ENT this morning for an emergency appointment.

She had tubes put in her ears little less than a year ago. About 3 months ago, the tube in the right fell out. No big deal with that one (except for the 4 ear infections that followed). Apparently, the reason for the river of nastiness is that her left ear is rejecting the tube...in a bad way. Kind of a - side ways, going to rip your ear drum, cause as much damage as I possibly can, kind of way. Oh... and an ear infection of top of that.

Go figure.

So, two sets of antibiotics and a full set of neck and head X-rays later, here I am.

In 10 days time he'll decide if she needs to have another set of tubes in, or have her adenoids surgically removed.

WHATEVER the hell those things are. WebMD here I come.

However, the X-ray tech thought I was a fuckin' riot when I called them Altoids.

He's lucky I didn't x-ray his balls for an hour after the day I just had.....


Ice Ice Baby Soap Stumble Upon Digg It! Add to Delicious Add to Technorati


I have a handful of blogs and websites that I check everyday. Some of them are pretty popular and some are just ones that I've found randomly by hitting the "next blog" button. '15 Minute Lunch' and 'Don't Get Me Started' are daily clicks from my mouse, and there was one that I read for a while written by a women who was a CPA by day, stripper by night. I found that one interesting for a while, but then it became a little too much like reading porn at work.

I've seen others talk about "stat counters" or "site meters" and I finally got around to investigating what that was. Turns out, it's really quite cool.

Simply put, there's a program that is attached to your website that analyzes the people that come and go from your site; how many hits you had, if they are return visitors or first timers, and in what part of the world their computer is. The most interesting thing that it offers is 'keyword activity". It breaks down exactly what people typed into the Google search engine (or any other search engine) that got them to me.

These are some of the interesting results I've gotten for the last couple of weeks.

DIY Flip Table / Divine Design Big Girl Room: I can only assume that the D.I.Y and HGTV ran some programs recently about flip tables and Big Girl Rooms. It's a safe bet that my site was not exactly what they were looking for. I wonder if there is an identical big girl room out there that matches mine?

Hair Straightener Not For Household Use:
The funny thing about this one is I can't figure out if they really wanted to find a hair straightener that they can only use in their backyard....or if they were specifically looking for the CHI Warning label. Even funnier is that when you type these exact words into Google - my site isn't listed until page 6! I actually got quite a few hits on the Warning Label blog....One person was searching for "Chi Hair In Canada Label". So many places to go with that sentence.....What the hell is Chi Hair? Is that like a Chia Pet?

i'm sorry gift for him ideas free: I'm not kidding. That's exactly what they typed into Google. Off the top of my head...If you are trying to say I'm sorry to a man - and you don't want to spend a dime...Only one thing really comes to mind.

Vanilla Ice Soap: Absolutely my favorite of the week - and there were three of them. Best guess - There was a show/radio/article in the UK (where the path came from) and there must have been a recipe for Vanilla Ice Soap. I kind of feel bad for the ladies in the U.K. trying to make some nice soap for her loo and all she got was Vanilla Ice getting his ass kicked by a bull named Snowbell.

So, to help those ladies out.

I don't have the recipe, but I do have the actual soap already packaged.

It’s no secret that I’m a smoker. Certainly not something I’m proud of, as it’s a horrible, disgusting and very expensive habit, but I am. I’ve quit in the past, for a pretty lengthy period of time I might add, and know I can quit again without too many people getting maimed in the process. The last time I quit it really wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be…but I was also growing a person at the time, so that puts things into perspective.

I try very hard to be a polite smoker. Actually, come to think of it, I actually try to be polite in most things I do. Sure, can’t always happen, but it’s the thought that counts. As I posted a long time ago, there are some things that people do in public that just strike me as downright rude.

Who knows? Maybe it was my upbringing – or maybe it’s just common sense, but I’ve always kind of known that most people don’t want to see me hock a loogie 2 feet away from their brand new Jimmy Choo’s.

(Weird segue way coming up…)

So, a couple of weeks ago I’m making a Sunday morning Starbucks/7-11 quest. (I’ve got no problem paying $5.00 for a Half Caf Gingerbread Latte, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give them $2.00 for a piddly glazed donut) Standing in front of the 7-11 donut freeze guard, trying to decide which donut is best for each person in the family, a stately gentlemen from behind me tells me:

“Shouldn’t eat donuts, they’ll make you fat.”

I smile like we’ve just shared in our own personal inside joke, while all the time thinking, “Great! now everyone is looking at the girl buying the donuts”. I almost felt compelled to explain to everyone that they weren’t all for me! I have two more people at home! Instead, I threw my money on the counter and took my cheap donuts and expensive coffee home.

I stand in a small corner outside of my office on my cigarette breaks. It’s out of the way of any normal traffic, and pretty much ensures that even while exhaling I won’t be accidentally blowing smoke in peoples faces. I choose to smoke; I realize that most people do not. So, on a VERY cold day, trying to smoke as fast as possible without giving my self a head rush, a woman walks past, looks me straight in the eyes and says:

“Sweetie, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’ll kill you!”

I smile and say “yea, I know. Stupid me!” She walks off with a smug look of satisfaction on her face.

Who ARE these people? Has the government hired you to be walking public service announcements? Or do I appear to be a person that has lived under a rock for the last 20 years and has yet to hear that cigarettes and sugar are bad for me?

What do you suppose would have happened if after grabbing my tasty 79 cent donut, and learning that they will apparently immediately make me gain 40 pounds, I had thrown it back into the container and say, “Well shit, you don’t say? Thank God you were here!”

They are like this bizarre elite task force taking their orders directly from the Surgeon General.

I am not a fan of Valentines Day. I'm not exactly sure when I made the switch from fan to non-fan, but I know I've been this way for a while.

I wouldn't exactly say I'm against it, or have strong feelings about it, I just personally think it's just another day. I don't scowl when people say "Happy Valentines Day", or a co-worker gives me a small piece of chocolate. There wasn't something traumatic that happened to me on a Valentines Day that makes me this way...it just is.

I do however remember feeling bad for other people on this day. High school was a perfect example. They would always have this "Rose Drive", or some such on Valentines Day. You could buy a rose for your sweetie and it would be delivered to them while they were in class. Which was great because then all the other girls would see you get a rose. It was shallow...but we were in high school, what do you expect. However, I distinctly remember those girls that did NOT get roses. And at that age, you might as wear a sign on your forehead that says "I have no boyfriend, so therefore I suck".

Today is cute for, say, anybody under the age of 10. I sent my daughter off to school today with her heart jeans and her heart sweater and heart in her hair. It's sweet. She'll spend the day eating too much chocolate and making mis-shaped hearts for the little boys in her class. I think that's nice. And the chances of any little 4 year old getting their heart broken is pretty slim.

My husband has always been instructed to not buy me anything on Valentines and has been promised that he would never be in trouble for not doing so. Come to think of it, I don't even care if he REMEMBERS it's Valentines Day - which would be difficult to do considering that the entire country has been saturated in pink and red hearts for the last 5 weeks.

Oddly enough, he and I got engage on Valentines Day. We had a lovely dinner at an Italian restaurant and then both went to the jewelery store and picked out my ring. No huge fan fare, no billboard with my name on it, or ring at the bottom of my champagne glass. He was not even required to get on one knee. And I'm ok with that. It's not his style and it probably would have given him a heart attack if I had required such an act on his part.

To make sure I don't give the wrong impression - I am not against romance. As a matter of fact, I'm a huge supporter of romance. I would just rather have it for no good reason, as opposed to Hallmark and 1-800 Flowers demanding it.

Flowers on a Thursday afternoon with a card that says "just cause" is my idea of love and romance.

And even though High School was a long time ago, he still knows to send them to the office so I can show them off.

Of the 200 some bones that my body has, I would say that at least one of them is vain. A small one, mind you. Maybe one of the finger bones. I strive to maintain a somewhat non-offensive appearance when I leave the house, but am not necessarily against running to 7-11 on a Sunday morning with no makeup and a baseball cap covering my Edward Scissorhand hairdo. Toothpaste and deodorant would be the the requirement for that trip.

However, I would say it's safe to say that at least once a day I'll see someone and think to myself "Do you even OWN a mirror?"

Now don't get me wrong. Not everyone can afford designer jeans or the latest hottest fashion. That's not even what I'm talking about. I don't think that being a well put together person is that difficult.

And lately it seems to me that my town is being sucked into some worm hole. A black hole of fashion and sense, if you will. An enormous uber-supernova.

My first major issue with the folks in these here parts is that they are completely unaware of space. Not the space that we live in - or the air we breathe...But the space that is the inside of their current shirt of choice. If you are a size 18...why do you insist on cramming your self into a size 4? I'm not entirely sure if someone out there finds this attractive, but if there is a group of men out there that do, I would like to meet them. And bitch slap them. It isn't just the shirts - pants too. Some tell tell signs that the clothes are too small.

A) you can't breathe
B) you try every 4.5 seconds to pull your shirt down to cover your now exposed belly, only to have it pull down and expose your breasts.
C) you have started to resemble, what can only be best described as a backward camel. The bulges from your too tight shirt and pants have now formed three distinct humps.

My other issue is that apparently we are also completely unaware of time. Not the time that my watch says....No, what time it is in the YEAR. For instance, say right now...It's WINTER. It was 6 degrees today. When you are trying to decide what itty bitty little clothing you are going to wear today...try sticking your head out the window. If you can see your breathe - step away from the short shorts and the tube top.

Like I said before - sure, I have a vain bone in my body. I don't think it's real big. I just don't care to look like shit when I'm in public. Does it happen? Sure. Probably more often than I would like. However, I at least attempt to look suitable before I leave.

If I put on a shirt, and you can count the stretch marks that my spawn has left behind - chances are the shirt is too tight. Discard and try again.

And I always stick my head out the window before I leave the house.


Total Let Down Stumble Upon Digg It! Add to Delicious Add to Technorati


Just a quick note this morning to say how disappointed I was in last nights Survivor. The show itself - I thought was great. The fans were pumped and just besides themselves to be there in the first place (with some interesting comments from the "I've never met anyone gay before" lady) With the uber-happiness surrounding the fans, there was no strategizing - no back stabbing.

However, on the other side with our "faves" (Certainly not MY favorites) Strategy and backstabbing was immediate. As folks who have already been marooned on an island before - shelter, food and fire came quickly, so I can only guess with nothing else to do with their time, the "game play" is the only thing left.

Couple things I always find interesting on shows like this.

How on earth do these folks "hook up" so damn fast. I mean, come on - James and Pavarti found a crab together, she squealed like a little girl, and now they are picking out china patterns. Ozzy and Amanda...all she had to say was how awesome it was that he was there - and boom! alliance. (and the scenes for next week look like Ozzy is trying to eat her tonsils)

Anyway - my disappointment. Right.

Johnny AssHat. I've seen this guy twice now - the first time on Survivor, and then again on his attempt to ride a bull. With his big talk and big show - and telling the camera within the first 2 minutes of the show "I'm the best player Survivor has ever seen." And then to puss out and QUIT?!? Which is exactly what he did. I'm utterly confused as to why no one else would call it that - but he did. He quit.

What I wanted most of all - was when Johnny got voted off - for it to be dirty and under handed. I wanted to see him suffer. I wanted to see him hungry and dirty and beaten to death by challenges.

Part of me is glad he's gone. I don't have to see his nasty ass face any more - but I'm still very disappointed in the way of his departure. There was no suffering.

Not to mention the countless other former Survivors that could have taken his slot - that I would have much preferred to see.

I enjoyed Probst calling him out. The only thing I wish he had said was to explain his "I need to be home with my unborn baby" crap was that even if he's voted out/quitting - YOU STILL DON'T GET TO GO HOME! You are whisked off to some hut somewhere until the show ENDS!!

Maybe Johnny was just looking for a vacation, who knows.

All that being said - I still enjoyed it. I like cocky former "favorites" getting their butts handed to them in a challenge.

On a side note: I read something this morning that part of the challenge wasn't aired. Turns out that during one of the road blocks in their carts - the favorites tried to sabotage the fans cart. The game was quickly put on hold so Probst could give them a firm lecture on not being 4 year olds.

heh. I wish they had aired that.