The Mini Van Soap Box

It’s no secret that I’m a smoker. Certainly not something I’m proud of, as it’s a horrible, disgusting and very expensive habit, but I am. I’ve quit in the past, for a pretty lengthy period of time I might add, and know I can quit again without too many people getting maimed in the process. The last time I quit it really wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be…but I was also growing a person at the time, so that puts things into perspective.

I try very hard to be a polite smoker. Actually, come to think of it, I actually try to be polite in most things I do. Sure, can’t always happen, but it’s the thought that counts. As I posted a long time ago, there are some things that people do in public that just strike me as downright rude.

Who knows? Maybe it was my upbringing – or maybe it’s just common sense, but I’ve always kind of known that most people don’t want to see me hock a loogie 2 feet away from their brand new Jimmy Choo’s.

(Weird segue way coming up…)

So, a couple of weeks ago I’m making a Sunday morning Starbucks/7-11 quest. (I’ve got no problem paying $5.00 for a Half Caf Gingerbread Latte, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give them $2.00 for a piddly glazed donut) Standing in front of the 7-11 donut freeze guard, trying to decide which donut is best for each person in the family, a stately gentlemen from behind me tells me:

“Shouldn’t eat donuts, they’ll make you fat.”

I smile like we’ve just shared in our own personal inside joke, while all the time thinking, “Great! now everyone is looking at the girl buying the donuts”. I almost felt compelled to explain to everyone that they weren’t all for me! I have two more people at home! Instead, I threw my money on the counter and took my cheap donuts and expensive coffee home.

I stand in a small corner outside of my office on my cigarette breaks. It’s out of the way of any normal traffic, and pretty much ensures that even while exhaling I won’t be accidentally blowing smoke in peoples faces. I choose to smoke; I realize that most people do not. So, on a VERY cold day, trying to smoke as fast as possible without giving my self a head rush, a woman walks past, looks me straight in the eyes and says:

“Sweetie, you really shouldn’t smoke. It’ll kill you!”

I smile and say “yea, I know. Stupid me!” She walks off with a smug look of satisfaction on her face.

Who ARE these people? Has the government hired you to be walking public service announcements? Or do I appear to be a person that has lived under a rock for the last 20 years and has yet to hear that cigarettes and sugar are bad for me?

What do you suppose would have happened if after grabbing my tasty 79 cent donut, and learning that they will apparently immediately make me gain 40 pounds, I had thrown it back into the container and say, “Well shit, you don’t say? Thank God you were here!”

They are like this bizarre elite task force taking their orders directly from the Surgeon General.