While I would love to give the impression that I know everything...because, honestly, who wouldn't. I believe it's only fair that I point out the list of things I don't know in contrast to my last list of things that I do know.  I would like to point out though that it took me a long time to come up with this list - and it required a great deal of help.

As a side note, I had to go outside of regular parenting, because I couldn't come up with enough entertaining things. Not that I'm a rock star Mom or anything, but my kid is only 5....And I've pretty much mastered wiping her butt, cooking frozen pizza and picking out lice.  So...there is that.

*  I can not sew. Like anything.  I got these awesome drapes at Ikea about a million years ago - and the whole point of driving all the way to Ikea was because they were UBER long and cheap. But they came with this special sticky iron on crap. Simple enough. Cut the hem, iron the tape. Instant drapes. I couldn't even do that. My drapes look like I let my kid do it. Which is what I tell people.  However, I can scrapbook you around the block.

*  I can not tell you where North Dakota is. Well, I mean I know that North Dakota is above South Dakota...But that's about it.  If I had to actually pinpoint it on a map it would be "somewhere in the middle".  That's why I have a GPS.  And the internet.  Well, and planes.  And also, I really don't give a shit where North Dakota is.  I'm from Texas - it's pretty much the only state we care about.

*  My husband says I don't know anything about computers.  But he's full of crap.

*  I can not keeps plants alive. As hard as I try, and as much money as I spend, everything I plant in the ground dies a horrible, tragic, burnt to a crisp death.  I'm pretty sure that there is some sort of lava running under my flower bed.  Or toxic waste.  Or maybe an old cemetery and the dead souls are eating my plants.  Either way - everything dies. 

*  I can not paint my toes. I haven't paid for a manicure in forever - but God help me paint my toes.  I'm sure if I lost 30 pounds it would help. Being able to bend over at the waist would probably help with this task.

*  I. Can. Not. Shut. Up.  True Story Y'all.

You?

11 comments:

Badass Geek said...

I can't keep plants alive, either. I have a black thumb.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I kill all plants.

Except for this cyclamen (sp) I had once. Apparently those bastards are hard to keep alive and mine lasted like 4 years.

Even after I ran over it with the car.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Wow, we should start a club. I kill plants AND animals.

just making my way said...

I am in the killing plants club, too. Who knew there were so many of us? The only reason we had any tomatoes this year was because we had so much rain I didn't have to remember to water them.

Melanie said...

I can't keep plants alive, either. So you are not alone. I can barely keep my kid alive.

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mumma boo said...

Plants cringe when they feel me come near. I swear the leaves start to shrivel as I walk past.

Mad Woman said...

I'm kind of shocked that you cannot shut up. Shocked I tell ya!! :)

I kill all plants too. It's a curse. No vegetation around my house unless someone else is caring for them.

kys said...

I have a horrible sense of direction and I'm uncoordinated and accident-prone. (My list could be a whole post because there are MANY things I can't do/don't know.)

Lisa (aka LadyWanderlust) said...

Okay, I can't paint my own toes because I CANNOT lose 40 lbs, that's why I pay somebody to do it on occasion. I cannot sew; that is whay Kohl's, Target, and the dry cleaners are for. I CANNOT shopping. I could talk the paint off a wall. :)

Kate said...

I'm in South Dakota! Whoo hoo! If you ever need to come north, I can help.