We have had an uncivilized amount of snow this winter. I mean, truly, I don't think that snow is one of the 10 plagues...(because really, that's kind of a stupid plague) but I'm calling SNOW PLAGUE NUMBER 11. You know WHY? Because you get stuck. In your house. With your family. And there really is only so many times you can play Candy Land until you start bleeding from your eyes. And bleeding from your eyes ranks right up there with frogs and festering boils.
Additionally, snow is wet. It makes everything around it wet. For a long time. And when the snow keeps coming and coming and coming - it never melts. (I know, I'm a freaking genius right?) Now, it's not like anything round these parts is green and pretty around this time of year - but the wet and the moist just makes it worse. The grass and shrubs just aren't brown and dead, they are brown and dead and squishy.
Except for my neighbor. Somehow all of her snow melts. And somehow her grass is green. Like REALLY green. Lush and blooming. It's unnatural. Also, her car never seems to have that constant white film on it from all the salt and crap from the roads. Witch! Dark Magic! I'm positive she's got some serious dark mojo incense burning in her basement - which I BET doesn't have a mildew or musty smell to it!
In completely unrelated news - I got a nasty gram that I haven't' posted in like two weeks. It wasn't really nasty at all really - it was more of a "dude, where are you?" - and I was all "Oh, shit has it really been two weeks!?" You would think by being locked inside my house for the last month with no where to go I would time to sit and write something. But the truth is - when you are locked in your house nothing really funny happens. And I don't think y'all want to hear about my bleeding eyes or endless games of 'Guess Who'.
I did spend a lot of time of Haiti Relief. See?
That's a lot of toothbrushes y'all. Lots of people from my office and my church pitched in and we donated to a missionary group that was setting sail for Haiti at the end of January. Felt good to contribute SOMETHING since I'm broke.
But probably the most exciting news is that LOST is back on. There is much rejoicing in my house. Well, except for the five year old. I try to explain it to her - but alternate time lines seem to leave her cold and she phases out after about five minutes and she just starts mumbling "Candy Land" over and over again.
I wonder if the Witch could explain it to her.
5 comments:
She has to be a witch! That's not normal!!!! Awesome work on the Haiti donations!
Wow - awesome work on the Haiti relief. I've been having to do more blogging at home since my job is actually expecting some work out of me lately(WTH, job!?!?) And I have to say, it's not easy! Darn distractions. And by distractions I mean children.
Now THAT was funny .. you must come from some seriously funny parents. What a lucky person you are!
I used to think my first mother in law was a witch. Now I know for sure she is.
She IS a witch. She has a herd of flying monkeys in her basement whose only duty is to keep the snow from touching any part of her domain, for if she touches snow, she will melt. Throw a snowball at her and see what happens. That's way more fun than Candy Land. (Great job with the donations btw!)
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