The Mini Van Soap Box

The other day I ran over to 7-11 to get a Big Gulp.  Actually I ran over to 7-11 to get a straw for the Big Gulp I already had - but felt weird just stealing a straw, so I bought an entirely new Big Gulp.  That's me helping the economy, y'all.

Anyway.  The guy behind the counter was trying to figure out how to give me my change and my eyes started to wander.

Ugly guy getting gas outside.


Oh, Look!  The Power Ball is up to a gazillion dollars.  


Hmmm...Two slices of pizza for three dollars.


Little sign behind the counter...."Patrons must have been born on/before 1992 to buy tobacco products"

Ho-ly! Crap!

Someone BORN the year I graduated from High School is now old enough to buy cigarettes. I don't know why it shocked me so much...But the idea that it's been 18 years since I was in High School just kind of threw me.  The year I was barely graduating from hell - a baby was being born.  And now that baby is walking, talking, driving, smoking, voting and probably a total asshole - because when your 18 you're an asshole by default.  I certainly was.

So convinced at 18 that you know everything - and the world is your playground. Heading off to college and getting that first taste of freedom.  It's only a few years from now that you realize you don't know jack - and want to move back in with your parents.  Eventually you'll get your shit together.  Settle down, get married, buy a house - get a real job.  Get divorced, buy a different house, get a better job and marry again.

That's when you realize that you know less now than you did when you were 18.  And want to move back in with your parents.  With your husband and kids. 

I'm at an age now where I should start getting mammograms.  I'm not too far away from preparing for menopause and colonoscopies. My back hurts and I need to eat better.  Vegetables and eggs give me gas and I have a stash of Tums in my bedside drawer.  I hate driving at night and I own a freakin' Minivan.

12 years from now my own daughter will more than likely be an asshole herself.  An adult in societies eyes and old enough to go out on her own.  Hopefully by then I'll have taught her enough to let her go. And when I do let her go... I'm selling that damn minivan and getting a boob job.