12/12/2008

Magic'ed Out Stumble Upon Digg It! Add to Delicious Add to Technorati

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Or other working title is "Introducing The Magic Taser"....

For the first solo vacation the three of us have taken since she was born, I think we did okay. Better than okay, actually. Not once all week did my husband and I yell at each other or even attempt to drown each other on Splash Mountain. And for the most part, the 4 year old managed pretty well.

Except for this morning when I tried to drive nails through her arms and make her eat liver...Which is code for, I asked her to put her pants on. I know...I know....I'm a total bitch. If you can't enjoy The Magic Kingdom pantless....What is the point really?

However, regardless of the amount of times I've been here, I always come up with new and exciting ways that Disney could better themselves.

1. Parts of the sidewalks should be assigned as No Stopping At All. These rules should be enforced. By aircraft if necessary. It's got to be in my Top 5 pet peeves while here. People who are making good time right in front of you and then decide to stop - quite suddenly - to look at a bird or something. You end up nailing them in the ankle with your stroller, and they get pissed at you, or you swerve at the last minute and take out the old lady in the motorized scooter.

2. Each parent and Cast Member should be issued The Magical Disney Taser upon entering the park. You get 5 shots for the day, no more. These can be used for any reason you like, however, we strongly urge you to use them on other parents. Those parents would be the ones that, JUST LIKE YOU, who waited an hour to get a picture of their kid with Mickey, decide that they are going SPEND a hour with Mickey. They want to discuss their childs hopes and dreams of the future. They want to video tape the whole conversation. They want Mickey to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee and kick back for a while....All the while my kid is foaming at the mouth to get her hands on that guy. It never seems to enter their minds that there is actually, a PERSON, inside that suit - sweating about 9 gallons of water and dying of heat stroke. Get in. Get out. There's a good chance in about 30 minutes she's going to be whining about something else anyway.

3. The taser can also be used for parents who allow their children to walk out of the house wearing questionable clothing. Accidents are going to happen, sure. For the better part of Wednesday my daughter walked around covered in chocolate ice cream - however I made sure that her butt was at least covered all day. There shouldn't be such a thing as 'ho wear' for eight year olds. I'm just saying.

All in all, a great trip. Sore and broken, we return home tomorrow - back to work and school and very cold weather from what I understand. How have ya'll been?

6 comments:

Sandy said...

I was just sitting down at the computer wondering how you guys were doing and if we would hear anything else from you and TaDa - there you are in perfect blog form. How great that you have had such a good experience. And I do approve of your wanting her to wear pants. After in the immortal words of your eldest niece, Audre -"We don't show our panties to strangers!" And we have always considered those words to live by. So you are certainly justified in being a bitch on that score. Have a safe trip home - Hugs to all.

MadWoman said...

I have been enduring the cold weather and the bumbling idiots coming through the workplace and all the while dreaming that I could be where you are. But then I read a post like this from you and realise maybe I don't have it so bad after all.

Glad you've a good experience on the whole. But really the pants thing? That's just plain torturous! :)

Ms Picket To You said...

i am nowhere near disney, an icestorm has buried most of the north east, and i want one of those tasers just for my daily use.

KidSister said...

That's why Craig and I are developing a prototype of "Tazer Tot", a low voltage tazer gun for use in keeping unruly small children at bay. Also in the works is "Juvie Taze", which has a higher voltage used to "correct" your defiant teenager.
Haha.. jk, however, it may be legal in some states...

Lollie said...

"Ho wear" - I blame Bratz.

HeatherPride said...

Holy smokes, you are going to make a mint with that idea!!