The Mini Van Soap Box

We had the rare opportunity to drop our daughter off this last weekend, and get out of town for a few days.  I say it's a rare opportunity because we've never done it before.

Never.

In five years.

I've gone away for a few days, and my husband does travel quite a bit - but we've never gone somewhere....at the same time. He had this business trip planned for a while - and on a whim I asked if I could drop the kid off and tag along with him.  All the stars aligned and everything worked out.  SO....plans for SEX and DEBAUCHERY were planned. Capital SEX. Capital DEBAUCHERY. After he finished work of course - he's very devoted.

14 hours before we left I started my period.

This is just the beginning folks.  Grab a cup of coffee.

We're a few hours away from home, fighting the semi's and the motorcycles on the highway, and I realize that just by habit we are keeping the car at the appropriate "we have a child" level.  I immediately turn up the tunes and call every curse word I can think of in quick succession.  My husband, of course, just looks at me oddly and asks "Why do you know all the words to EVERY Bee Gee song?"

Then he starts sniffing and coughing.  12 hours later he's in full on "cold working on bronchitis" mode.

This is where it gets REALLY good.

We've settled into the hotel, me sitting as far away from him as possible, when I notice I have a message on my cell phone.  It's my daughter "Call Me Mama!", with my mom in the background, "Ok, hang up now." The voices were calm, so I wasn't worried.  I assumed she wanted to tell me about all the fun they were having - without me.  How much cooler it was to be with her Grandparents.

Turns out there has been a bit of an "accident".  She was walking up some steps...and I don't know...FORGOT HOW TO WALK and landed on her face.  She's now missing an entire tooth. Craziness ensued.  My mother almost had a stroke. Trust me....For the first time I've ever dropped her off for a trip out of town and within six hours the FIRST ACCIDENT EVER happens ON HER WATCH...(I love you Mama)....

So, at this point I really don't even feel bad for the kid anymore, I feel bad for my Mom and worried that she's going to run out of blood pressure medication before I get home. I offer to come home, which of course, she refuses, but we're still waiting for the dentist to call to tell us what's what.

In the end, everything worked out fine. Well, I mean everything with her TOOTH turned out fine. Meaning...we'll just wait for her big girl tooth to grow in.  She just may have a hole longer than usual.

Oh, I almost forgot.  My mom also told me on my return that when she was tucking her in at night, they were saying prayers and my daughter said she wanted to die so she could meet Jesus. 

So, my Mother is returning my child missing parts AND suicidal.

My husband also gave me his cold.  Asshole.

We're going back to traveling separately.  I'll just take my vibrator.