Couple Monday morning tidbits for you today:
Every morning after we get dressed, Andie stands on the toilet seat and I do her hair. She decides how many rubber bands, one or two, and what color she would like. This morning she decided on two - which is rare - since she's not a huge fan of getting her hair brushed. So, with pigtails done we venture downstairs to begin the quest for the shoes when she stops in front of the hall mirror to examine her new 'do'... at which points she tells me:
"I'm as pretty as a cow"
Not a butterfly, Not a bird....but a cow. Ok........Sure! Now.... while I don't find cows overly REPULSIVE creatures - I have also never thought while driving down the street - "What a magnificent cow!".
But hey - if she thinks they are pretty....More power to her. I just hope she doesn't grow up to be a vegetarian! :)
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Hair done, shoes found and juice box in hand, we start climbing into the Mommy Van to head off for another exciting day of learning and play—when she excitedly tells me, again, that she’s pretty. What follows is our conversation on our way to school.
“I pretty!”
“Yes, baby—you’re very pretty”
“You and me! Pretty!”
“Why thank you!”
“Andie has big hair like mama!”
“Hmm...Mama has big hair?”
“Yea”
“Daddy has no hair”
“No, baby—Daddy doesn’t have any hair”
“Mama took it all”
Heh.
Ever heard the term 'scrap-lifting'? It's the same idea as shoplifting...However, not illegal. It's when you flip through a magazine or maybe a website online, and see a scrap page that is what you were looking to do for a certain picture and/or event - and you basically steal the whole design and pass it off as your own. I've done this a few times....but I've actually found that the designs I think are extra special cool - are actually pretty hard to do.
Anyway, I've decided to 'blog-lift'. My sister had a cool idea on her site the other day titled "Mish Mash" - and I've decided to steal it. I may call it something different - but I thought before I started doing it - I should give credit to her - because it wasn't my idea at all. It may be a good way to get the cute stories that happen on a day to day basis that don't actually call for an ENTIRE post...But maybe a weekly update of the silly things that come out of our spawns mouth.
So - here goes.
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As I had said earlier, we had parental units in town this last weekend. And while I'm still recovering from my 'wiinjury' and copious amounts of alcohol - this was probably the cutest thing that happened over the weekend.
Sandy and Andie were sitting on the floor discussing the finer points of crayons and craft paper, when Andie told Sandy that she (Sandy) was Andie. Here is the basic conversation that followed.
"No, You're Andie, I'm Sandy"
"No, you're Andie"
"No, I'm Sandy...You're Andie"
"ANDIE"
".....Ok, I'm Andie....Who are you?"
Pause
"Maxine"
Who the hell is Maxine? And you KNOW I'm going to start calling her that!
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She woke up, again, very early and needed to use the potty. So, as she's sitting doing her business, I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub, resting my head up against the wall.
Her reaction to that was:
"Ahhhh.....Mama is sick and tired"
heh.
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There is a box at school to drop off the tuition checks. I typically write the check in the car in the parking lot, before I walk her inside. Once we walk inside I usually let her put the check in the box that is up on the wall. This however takes a while as she misses the first 400 times. We were running late this week and decided that I just didn't have the time this morning to let her do it. So, I would drop her off and give them the check on the way out. So, off we go and as we PASS the box...her reaction - her LOUD reaction ... .while other parents are around:
"Mama!!! No Stealing!!!!!
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Again, this last weekend....Sandy and Andie are sitting on the couch and chit chatting as they often do. Andie desperately wanted to have her watch. It's one of those "wrap around" watches...No clasps or hooks - just kind of 'wraps' around her wrist. This was one of her most favorite things to chew on when we would visit in the baby'ish years. Anyway - she wanted the watch. Sandy didn't particularly want to give UP her watch - seeing as she knows she may never see it again. However, Andie in all her wisdom decided the only way to get the watch was to give Sandy something in return.
Sandy got a .10 cent plastic hair thing and Andie got the watch. Sandy's response:
"Good Trade"
It was a bizarre rendition of a scene from 'Dances With Wolves'....
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That's about it for today. I need to start writing these things down. Some of them are pretty damn cute.
As my stress continues to rise, so does the endless search of mindless humor. As my normal daily routine of checking the news (It's a drug - but I'm doing much better - I don't click on the headlines that I KNOW are going to bother me) I, with one eye, opened Linda's blog (my favorite writer) - and I'm about to totally steal her post of the day.
She happen to be watching "The Princess Bride" while she was working - so her post became a "move quote" marathon.
I didn't have the 'oomph' to explain to anyone in her comment section that MY family can best ANY family when it comes to movie quotes. My sister and I can talk in nothing BUT movie quotes for an hour, and completely understand that the other - went to the store, did some laundry, drove to soccer practice, spent some time on the computer, had her pap smeared, and spent some time on the computer.
So.....What's your favorite movie quote?
I'll start it off.
Golden Child: Only a man who's heart is pure can wield the knife, and only a man who's ass is narrow can get down these steps, and if I have such an ass, then I may have it.
Evolution: I think that we've established that ka-ka ka-ka and tookie tookie...don't work here
E.T.: Shut Up Penis Breath.
ID4: What's with the fat lady? You're obsessed with the fat lady!
Just to name a few.....Post as often as you would like....I'm interested in the things that stick in ya'lls brains.....
**sidenote** how ironic....the phone rang right as I was about to post this and Grandmommy is going in for surgery tomorrow. "Hello Stess, My name is Kerrie"
These last few weeks I've been intentionally seeking out 'humor' any way that I can. Our "On Demand" button on the cable is about to be worn off in my endless search of mindless comedy flicks and stand up comedians. My online time is being spent searching the depths of comedy central watching .52 second clips of every comedian imaginable just to get a couple chuckles - in what has otherwise been a crappy couple of weeks.
I'm a huge fan of stand up comedy, always have been. Never have had the brain capacity to watch and/or follow such comedians at the Jon Stewarts, Bill Mahers or Stephen Colbert. I'm certainly not saying they aren't brilliant comedians ... but it can be a bit over my head at times - and quite frankly, sometimes politics just bore me. However, give me some Blue Collar Comedy tour and I'm as happy as a redneck with a double wide and a six pack of bud.
Which brings me to our comedian of the day. Jeff Dunham.
That's pronounced Jeff Dunham....Not....Jef F Dun Ham. (that will make sense if you watch his latest stand up routine)
This is a man who makes his living, and not doing a bad job of it, by sticking his hand up the ass' of puppets and making them talk. Yes, he's a ventriloquist.
Anyway - His characters range from Walter - The Old Grumpy Old Man, Peanut - The Purple Alien, and of course - "Jose, The Jalapeño On A Stick" (which is exactly what it sounds like ... a talking pepper with a stick up his butt).
If you get the chance - check this guy out. I was under the impression that he's only been around for a while - but there are clips in here with Johnny. I would also like to point out - if you've read anything over time about comedians and Johnny....Getting invited over to the chairs was a HUGE deal.
So, here's the daily dose of humor for today. I hope you get a kick out of this guy as much as I do. I really think for doing what he does - he's very clever and quick....And the actual human is pretty funny too.....
It’s been a difficult week. The first reason being that I have some strange ailment that even the doctor couldn't exactly pinpoint, so just gave me a heaping of bizarre medications in hopes of killing whatever was currently have a little fiesta in my body. I’m still doing things at about half speed and sound like a patient from the local TB clinic.
The second reason is a bit harder to explain, but I will try to do so, as it may effect what is written on these pages.
Probably about a month ago, my brother in law said in the comment section (paraphrasing) “loving the blogs….laughing my ass off…keep ‘em coming...except for those child neglect posts…”. I could understand that – and do my best to keep it light hearted and good fun. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t still KNOW about the child neglect cases, and all the other ‘cases’ of evil around the world.
Wednesday at around lunch time, a “breaking story” hit the internet, followed by almost every tv station in the country. I’m hoping you’ve seen/heard it – b/c I truly don’t have what it takes to recap it – and honestly – you are better off if you haven't heard it. In a nutshell it involved a three year old girl – a video tape – and the lowest denominator of a human piece of shit in the world. What makes this story different from all the horrible countless ones out there – is they were unsure where the girl was – or who she was . AND there was a picture … a still frame from THE video tape.
I think that’s what did me in. Most of these cases there is no photography – just the words. And sometimes I think it’s easier to set yourself apart from it if you don’t actually SEE it. But there she was on CNN, with a complete vacant look – almost as if she was saying ‘please help me’.
Her face has been burned in my brain for five days now. I haven't closed my eyes once without seeing her, or looked at my own daughter and not thought of this little girl. I have shed more tears for this little nameless girl in five days than when I got laid off from my job many years ago.
There is a ‘somewhat’ good end to the story – and by that I mean the girl has been found “safe”…(we’ll see about that), however the walking excrement hasn’t been found and is “at large”. The police have vowed… “we have long memories – we will not forget about you”. And when they DO find him, I will gladly fly to wherever they need me to cut his balls off with a rusty knife.
The reaction that I had to this has told/taught me a few things about myself over the last few days. Maybe I’m too emotional…Maybe I get attached too easily? Or maybe I’ve just HAD ENOUGH! Whatever the reason may be – I’ve made some decisions.
I’m not going to be a news junkie anymore. If there is something important going on in the world – I need ya’ll to tell me. Maybe that’s the wrong way of going about it – but I think it’s the best way for me to go.
You can never be too safe as a parent – especially these days. The days of “go play outside and come back when it’s dark” are over. We don’t trust anyone – and quite honestly, for good reason. Just recently some daycare workers (I’m unsure of where) thought it was a good idea to shut a baby up b/c he cried so much – so they TAPED the pacifier in his mouth and left him in the bathroom. Another example – a babysitter wanted the baby to stop crying so she submerged his little 18 month old feet in scalding boiling water….
All this effects how I think – how I motivate – and what is constantly entering my head when I slow down. There isn’t a day that my heart does not break for something I CAN’T change, someone I CAN’T help. I have to train myself at night when I get into bed to think of “happy things”, and not convince myself that tomorrow is the day that something truly horrible is going to happen.
So, there it is. I’m done. No more sensational news. No more child neglect stories if I can help it. The weather channel, E! news and “news of the weird” is where I’ll be.
But – to start off the new “no news” me – I would like to introduce to you my child…I don’t often post pictures of her (read all the crap I just wrote as to why)…but I couldn’t pass this one up
The love child of Shawn Cassidy….
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