The Mini Van Soap Box

It’s been a difficult week. The first reason being that I have some strange ailment that even the doctor couldn't exactly pinpoint, so just gave me a heaping of bizarre medications in hopes of killing whatever was currently have a little fiesta in my body. I’m still doing things at about half speed and sound like a patient from the local TB clinic.

The second reason is a bit harder to explain, but I will try to do so, as it may effect what is written on these pages.

Probably about a month ago, my brother in law said in the comment section (paraphrasing) “loving the blogs….laughing my ass off…keep ‘em coming...except for those child neglect posts…”. I could understand that – and do my best to keep it light hearted and good fun. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t still KNOW about the child neglect cases, and all the other ‘cases’ of evil around the world.

Wednesday at around lunch time, a “breaking story” hit the internet, followed by almost every tv station in the country. I’m hoping you’ve seen/heard it – b/c I truly don’t have what it takes to recap it – and honestly – you are better off if you haven't heard it. In a nutshell it involved a three year old girl – a video tape – and the lowest denominator of a human piece of shit in the world. What makes this story different from all the horrible countless ones out there – is they were unsure where the girl was – or who she was . AND there was a picture … a still frame from THE video tape.

I think that’s what did me in. Most of these cases there is no photography – just the words. And sometimes I think it’s easier to set yourself apart from it if you don’t actually SEE it. But there she was on CNN, with a complete vacant look – almost as if she was saying ‘please help me’.

Her face has been burned in my brain for five days now. I haven't closed my eyes once without seeing her, or looked at my own daughter and not thought of this little girl. I have shed more tears for this little nameless girl in five days than when I got laid off from my job many years ago.

There is a ‘somewhat’ good end to the story – and by that I mean the girl has been found “safe”…(we’ll see about that), however the walking excrement hasn’t been found and is “at large”. The police have vowed… “we have long memories – we will not forget about you”. And when they DO find him, I will gladly fly to wherever they need me to cut his balls off with a rusty knife.

The reaction that I had to this has told/taught me a few things about myself over the last few days. Maybe I’m too emotional…Maybe I get attached too easily? Or maybe I’ve just HAD ENOUGH! Whatever the reason may be – I’ve made some decisions.

I’m not going to be a news junkie anymore. If there is something important going on in the world – I need ya’ll to tell me. Maybe that’s the wrong way of going about it – but I think it’s the best way for me to go.

You can never be too safe as a parent – especially these days. The days of “go play outside and come back when it’s dark” are over. We don’t trust anyone – and quite honestly, for good reason. Just recently some daycare workers (I’m unsure of where) thought it was a good idea to shut a baby up b/c he cried so much – so they TAPED the pacifier in his mouth and left him in the bathroom. Another example – a babysitter wanted the baby to stop crying so she submerged his little 18 month old feet in scalding boiling water….

All this effects how I think – how I motivate – and what is constantly entering my head when I slow down. There isn’t a day that my heart does not break for something I CAN’T change, someone I CAN’T help. I have to train myself at night when I get into bed to think of “happy things”, and not convince myself that tomorrow is the day that something truly horrible is going to happen.

So, there it is. I’m done. No more sensational news. No more child neglect stories if I can help it. The weather channel, E! news and “news of the weird” is where I’ll be.

But – to start off the new “no news” me – I would like to introduce to you my child…I don’t often post pictures of her (read all the crap I just wrote as to why)…but I couldn’t pass this one up

The love child of Shawn Cassidy….