The Mini Van Soap Box

Couple weeks ago someone sent me a link to "The People of Walmart". It's a site that's basically made up of pictures to make you feel better about yourself.

MUCH better about yourself.

If you are ever sitting around feeling a little low...Maybe you've put on a few pounds - or maybe you just got a bad haircut. Go hang out there for a little while. You'll feel better. Unless, of course, you're pictured there. Then I guess you'll just be embarrassed that someone took a picture of you with your mullet, 5 foot tail, transparent pants and allowing your child to put a plastic bag over her head.

Anyway, my husband has a twisted sense of humor, so I was showing it to him last night...and while he was wiping the tears from his eyes we came across this listing. People of Walmart

Over a year ago I did a post about this thing...So, I'm bringing it back up front for all to see.


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February 2008

I've seen this van driving around town for some time now, however this was the first time that I was able to grab my camera fast enough to get proof of it's existence.

Obviously, many things come to mind when I see this vehicle. The first and foremost is, what in THE hell is that? With the follow up of WHY would someone do this?

The picture is not all that clear, and I apologize. The idea of getting too close to it and the driver has me concerned on many levels though. While logically I would have to think that this guy is used to people snapping pictures and asking questions, part of me still thinks that if you get too close you might anger him and become hot glued to his bumper.

There is no writing or lettering of any sort on any part of the van, so I would surmise that he isn't promoting his plastic dinosaur store. So, clearly this man just likes dinosaurs. REALLY likes them.

There has to be some sort of support group for this sort of problem.

Interestingly enough, I've done some research on Virginia Vehicle & Driving State law, and apparently attaching thousands of dinosaurs (and one King Kong) to your ugly GMC purple van is not illegal.

Who knew?

Every two years my husband gets a new phone. I guess, it's one of those deals with the cell phone people...keeps you sucked into their service and their service plan. Trade in your barely used cell phone, get a flashy new one, this one has DIFFERENT BUTTONS! this one is SMALLER! This one will annoy your wife MORE THAN THE LAST ONE! Oh, and sign this two year service plan before you take it home!

So, his two years is up, and he ordered his new phone. Which is fine. But in all honesty, he's talking to me about it like I actually care. Honey! The BUTTONS! The RINGTONES! This one will make coffee for me! While he's going on and on about his new phone that's coming, my only question was, "You didn't spend any money did you?"

"No"
"Good"

He continues to talk about his new buttons. I casually mentioned that I wanted an iPhone. It was at this point in the conversation that he became dead to me.

First I got an eye roll so fierce that I'm surprised his corneas didn't come out his butt. Then I got an explanation of service plans and data plans and fiscal responsibility. Then he asked WHY I wanted an iPhone.

"Simple. I can't TwitPic with my phone."
"You can't WHAT?"
"Sigh. And you say you understand computers. I can't TWITPIC. I can't take a picture with my phone and upload directly to Twitter. I have to take the picture, EMAIL to myself, then go to my email, THEN upload, THEN go to Twitpic. At that point, it's not funny anymore. But I can't do any of that because I don't have a data plan on my phone. So technically technology is holding me back. I would be a lot funnier with less steps."
"You mean funnier to all of the 15 people that are following you on Twitter"


Shortly after that I twittered that he was an asshole and that I was going to kill him with all of the headless lego people that are in the house...and then I realized that out of the 15 people that are, in fact, following me on Twitter....He isn't one of them. So, I ended up just looking like a crazy woman, threatening to kill her husband with headless lego people.

Just for the record. He's still alive. But he still isn't following me on Twitter. A good husband would follow her wife on Twitter...and support her cell phone choices. Right?

So Tuesday was the first day of school. She's actually been going to the same school for quite some time, but she transitioned from "Junior Kindergarten" to REAL kindergarten...Which essentially meant she moved from one floor to the next. And now she has to wear a uniform. She thinks it's cool...for now. I imagine when the novelty wears off she'll be annoyed. I think it's awesome...Because now my husband can dress her for school without making her look like a boob.

I think one of the draw backs of being a working mom is that my kid is pretty much in school year round - so waking up for her first day of Kindergarten, while although exciting, wasn't THAT exciting. She hasn't missed any of her friends, she isn't experiencing anything TOO new, because she just saw it all last Friday. So, at dinner last night when I'm asking her about ALL THE EXCITING THINGS THAT HAPPENED! OH THE WONDERS OF KINDERGARTEN...She was all, yea, I saw all these kids last week Mom.

Here's the other thing. My daughter is in private school. It's a decision we made for a multitude of reasons - one of them being that the public schools in our area are not full day programs. So, I was still going to have pay for child care before/after school...or quit my job. We decided to keep her in private school for another year, and then evaluate again next year and see where we are. Private kindergarten is a hell of a lot more expensive than private Pre-K, and this next year is going to be really tight for us (nice timing with paying the car off, huh?)

This is where I'm going to piss some people off.

Out of ALL the kids in her class, I am one of TWO working moms. Some of them have two kids in this school....and they still had them come during the summer. I didn't think stay home mom's/dad's did that? I mean, if you don't work outside the home (and don't get me wrong I KNOW you work..I was a SAHM for the first two years) but don't the kids get the summer off, and then when you finally get them out you get that big sigh of relief when it's quiet again?

Look, don't get me wrong, it's just plain jealously - and I know that. But where do these folks get this money to pay for private school year round and not work? When I drop off, I'm always in my work slacks, etc...and they are in their yoga pants with a Starbucks in hand. All the moms stand outside the room and chit chat for a while - which I can't do - because I have to haul ass to get to work on time.

I know....I'm a big whiny baby today. They don't take naps in Kindergarten....and she's taking it out on me...So I'm taking it out on you.

Tomorrow I'm going to yell at all of you because of all the traffic. And the rain.

Me: You know we have to sit down and talk about this soon, right?
Him: sigh.......Yea, I know.
Me: We're running out of time. If you keep avoiding me, I'm just going to do what want to do.
Him: You can't make those decisions unilaterally dear. This is a family decision.
Me: I understand that. But we are running out of time. I've provided you with all of the information.....
Him: I just need more time....
Me: THERE IS NO MORE TIME ASSHOLE

It's the TIVO talk.Fall Season is almost upon us.I've printed out the Fall Lineup and we have to decide what shows are going to make the cut and which shows aren't.May sound easy to you....Especially in those weird ass houses that don't have TV's....But in OUR house.....

It's a big deal.

Next to my child and my laptop....being able to pause TV and fast forward through commercials ranks up there with orgasms.

What are y'all watching this fall?  I've got a few slots open this year. I'm open for suggestions.

Tuesday is my regular bill paying day. A good portion of those bills are automatically deducted - as I imagine a lot of people do these days - so I just double check on line to make sure every thing is as it should be. The other portion of bills are written out and mailed off. I gathered all my stuff together yesterday to settle down and start the process, and thought to check the mail box before I got started. Serious pain in the ass to get all the stuff done and put away, just to have a random bill come floating in a few hours later.

98% of the mail is total crap. A flyer here, a coupon for a retractable awning...Oh, flank steak is on sale. I'm about to throw everything away when a totally random blue envelope catches my eye - and even though I'm positive that it's crap - I open it up.

So, here is where you need to understand that I am ON TOP of my game, okay? I mean, I know when bills are deducted, how much, where they go and who they go to. I look over the credit card statement every month, even though it's not like THAT does me any good. I know down to the day when the cars will be paid off...Both of them next year (oh joyous year!)

So, the blue envelope. It's the title for my husbands car. Huh? What? I check I re-check. What the hell. I have another YEAR on this thing!! How could I be this off? Turns out I WAS that off. By a whole freakin' year. It was like finding a 20 dollar bill in my jeans...But having 10 pairs of jeans!!!

My husband comes home and kisses me and says "So, Happy Day! We own a piece of shit now!"

I'm quite certain just because of that statement all the wheels will fall off on his way home today.