The Mini Van Soap Box

Did you ever see the commercial where the husband takes the wife out to the ballet after spending way too much time at home with their toddler? Dressed in a beautiful sexy black number - her neck adorned with jewels - she turns to her husband during the show and starts to speak in 'baby talk'.

It's an affliction that many parents have I suppose. I imagine mostly the mothers that are lucky enough to stay home with their children. The bathroom is no longer the bathroom or restroom - - it's a "potty". Stubbing your toe or cutting your self is now a "boo boo" and of course after stubbing your toe, what used to be "SHIT", is now "Oh Pickles" (or some other complete nonsense that does not completely convey what you're feeling at the moment)

Anyway, I imagine that the commercial was not too far off point.

However, with many things it seems as though my husband and I have gone the other way.

We talk to her like she's 34. We truly DO understand in the back chasms of our brains that she has no earthly clue what the hell we are talking about, however we still continue to talk to her as though she is our equal in understanding.

We use words and phrases like comprehend, repercussions, consequences....We try to explain to her in our language why she's a pain in the ass....why mommy's head is turning purple....why we don't want to watch the same Disney movie 14 times in a row. And the saddest part is I really think at the time it's happening we're honest to God confused why she can't GET IT!

Case in point: A conversation I actually had with my 3 1/2 year old last night during bath time. She's got these bath toys: A submarine, a regular boat, and a sail boat.

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"Mommy, you're in the sup marine"

"No sweetie. Mommy is claustrophobic"

"....(pause)....Mommy you can be in the boat?"

"Sadly, no. Mom gets really sea sick. Daddy can be in the boat"

"You want the sail boat"

"Yes, that would be fine as long as it stays in the bay and doesn’t venture out into choppy water"

"........(long pause)..........Mommy is silly..........."

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Never truer words spoken.

However, ever so often she'll give me the kick in the ass that I need to realize..... she's a kid. And a pretty damn funny one.

"Andie! Don't pick your nose! That's gross"

"But I'm Andie - And I'm just a KID"