It's an usual feeling - being afraid to go to sleep. I suppose I remember times as a child, after watching something I shouldn't have watched - and then laying in bed for hours, scared of the monsters under the bed or in the closet.

As an adult, I've certainly had my fair share of sleepless nights. Scared of what was to come before I had my daughter - wondering if I was gong to be able to hack it. There have been some news stories over the years that have kept me awake for days as well. But over the course of the last 32 days I have been afraid to go to sleep because I knew that in a couple of hours I would wake up with a ice pick shoved in my brain.

We're no closer to finding the cause today - then we were 30 days ago. I have my suspicions (without a medical degree), and my doctor has his ideas, backed by his actual degree. We really aren't seeing eye to eye however.

Yesterday I think we had a bit of a break through though - because for the better part of the afternoon I WEPT UNCONTROLLABLY in his office.

He thought it would be a good idea to lower my dosage of the meds I'm on. Apparently they can make you a little "off".

I'm also on a brand new blood pressure medication. Apparently an interesting side effect of lowering ones blood pressure is a decrease in migraines. I'm down with that - even if I don't have high blood pressure.

I know I should be happy that my MRI came back clean - but a small part of me is almost depressed that it wasn't SOMETHING. Something they could see. Something they could fix, or cut out. Something to create a light at the end of the tunnel. (can we say dramatic?!)

Also: In completely unrelated news, my sister sent me an article from USA Today. Looks like my laser people really are trying to kill me. Apparently the FDA has warned numerous times that numbing cream and saran wrap are not good bed fellows. As in, you shouldn't do it. As in, it's going to soak into your blood stream and, I don't know, kill you. And as my sister pointed out - if you want to get something into your blood stream quickly, there's no better place than your cooter. And then we ended up discussing how else to get numbing cream into your blood stream - and we decided that either injecting it directly, or maybe snorting it would be the best way....and that turned into a conversation on how many people sell underwear on Ebay. Then she told me about this girl that is selling her virginity on Ebay, and I'm all "whore", and she's like, "yea, no shit!", so we talked about whores for a while.

Because sometimes you just have to forget about the headaches to talk about snorting lidocaine and whores.

Also again: I told my 4 year old daughter on the way to school today that it was Inauguration Day, and that we were getting a new President. She just finished learning about MLK, and asked if HE was going to be our President.

"No sweetie...His name is Barack Obama."
"Baaarraccckkk. B B Baaarracckkk. Like broccoli?"
"Sure, I guess it sounds like broccoli a little."
"But Mama, I don't LIKE broccoli!"


Ms Picket To You said...

But broccoli is good for you! No lasers on the broccoli!

HeatherPride said...

My laser doc had me do the saran wrap and numbing cream too!!! I always thought maybe he was trying to off me.

I know you just want to find a reason for these awful migraines. Not knowing the reason why is so frustrating. I hope this new medication helps!