As I'm sure most of us are - I am forever tickled with the Google searches that bring people to my little neck of the woods. The pervs and freaks out there looking for pictures of Bobby Browns penis (I don't have any) and Dancing Poop (mine does not) are endless. We bloggers put down, what we think are rather innocuous statements, only to find through spider searches and other magical internet tools, that to others our statement held an altogether different meaning. Or rather what they HOPED was a different meaning.

In my case it was trying to describe what it feels like to put numbing cream in your pants.

So, let me state for the record. I can not cook with my vagina. I can not teach you how to do this. I can not direct you to who can, or a book that can teach you. I find it deeply disturbing that you would search for this in the first place.

However, the more I type...the more I think that being able to cook with my vagina would be freakin' awesome.

Think how much easier camping and road trips would be!

"Mama, can I have a pop tart?" YOU BET!

"Kerrie, are you pregnant again?" "No. No no. Just got another 4 hours on the turkey!"

When/if I'm finally done with the laser hair removal..I could also consider it a kitchen remodel?

There are so many ideas rolling around in my head right now I could write a book about vagina cooking...but I'm quite certain that I would have to credit half of those ideas to the manufacturers of the medications I'm on right now.

6 comments:

miko564 said...

Hmmm. What if you were cooking a romantic dinner, then forgot to turn your vagina off, and the dinner totally worked, and you and the hubby get some alone time...and you cooked "it" right off the poor guy?

Seems dangerous to me...I'd just order take-out.

-B said...

TJ says: That is the single most awesome blog post you have ever done...

He is actually sitting here next to me right now, contemplating all of the pros and cons of a woman being able to cook with her vagina... And whether or not he'd be willing to have sex with a woman who could....

Ms Picket To You said...

first we birth the babies, then we get the laser hair removal or the wax or what have you and NOW? now we have to actually cook with thing?

HeatherPride said...

If you could swing that you would totally win Wife of the Year. No contest.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

Oh awesome! Now when someone says "I smell fish!" it will NOT be followed with "close your legs."

How to Party with an Infant said...

Love this.

The comments are really, funny, too.