The Mini Van Soap Box

Meet Lisa.

Lisa is Here.

Lisa hates coats and owns many scarves. 

Lisa has a T-Shirt that says Team Jacob. I just learned what the means in the last three days. And I don't actually know if she has that t-shirt. But she should. If she doesn't, I'll send one to her.

Lisa says one of the worst places she's been to is D.C. I live there. I'm going to forgive that because I don't particularly WANT to live here.

Lisa is different from me because with 20 million dollars she would, like, do nice things.  I would take all that money and wall paper my office. I would also take pictures of that money and post it here...just because I could.  But apparently Lisa is nicer than I am.

You should read about Lisa.  Right Now. Then say nice things about her. Because just between you and me, I think Lisa has some issues.

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Let's start easy...Ease you in a bit....Where are you right now? What are you wearing? I like to get an idea in my head of who I'm talking to. Office? Couch? Kitchen Table?

Right now, I am sitting at my desk, a desk my father made by hand.  When my parents were moving into a smaller house he was going to give it to Goodwill.  It about tore my heart out of my chest.  I took this monstrosity and put it in my tiny living room and love the hell out of it.  This is where the Blogoddess’ (that’s me!) Magic takes place.

I refer to my brain as my ADHD playground.  I have millions and millions of ideas that run through my head like a toddler on a sugary-caffeine high right before naptime.  Writing things down is the only way I catch one of the good ones to follow through.  Also, I am a single mom and teacher.  95% of my life is meeting the needs of others.  All day, every day, it seems like all I hear is “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Ms. B, Ms. B, Ms. B”  and then followed with some request or dire need that must be met like five minutes ago.  I needed a creative outlet for me, the woman, the person with a brain and dreams.  And, let’s be honest, with my smart-assery sarcasm brilliant wit, I needed an audience to bitch to about all the random bullshit I have to deal with with whom to share my enlightenment and sheer brilliance.

Yeah, can you believe that in 5 months I already have 65 followers?  Man, my Bleeps (Blog Peeps), also known as my Lil’ Lovelies, have been good to me.  I am still dizzy with the giddy that I can fool that many people for this long into thinking I have something worthwhile or entertaining to say!

Yea the girls, My Sweet “Little” DD’s, have been there (maybe not always as gianormous as they are now) since I was about ten.  The best damn bra ever is Lane Bryant’s Cacique bra…all smoke and mirrors, baby!  Makes the girls go from mid thigh to out and high!  Nah, I don’t get free shit because I am an independent woman who don’t need no stinkin’ man to get me anything.  I can do that myself.  But, if men want to look at ‘em, go right ahead.  I mean they are HUGE (as my sister likes to remind me).  The joke among my family and friends is that at one point at any given social function someone is going to talk about my boobs.  They are practically members of my “social circle”.

Well, the 100 Things To Do Checklist…#1 MIGHT be a possibility during this Christmas Break.  So, mum’s the word.  But damn, if it doesn’t happen I am gonna be one sad “cougar”.  As for the other 99 plans, I have explored my own city as a tourist with the Macs (my sons); we went to the Laguna Art Museum and a military museum on Camp Mabry this summer.  Also, I was told by a few of my former students just a couple of weeks ago that I had made a difference in their lives.  WOW!  I ate that shit right up.  Oh, yeah, I started dating again and that was a TOTAL DISASTER. Looooooong story short: he was a self-absorbed, 45 year-old confirmed bachelor who had no clue about single mothers, which I found out on only the second date.  Never trust a man who starts a conversation about single moms and their kids with the phrase, “This ain’t my first rodeo.”  DUMB. ASS.

After seeing my students read this book for about two years I wanted to see what all the Hoo Ha was about.  Twilight sucked me in after reading the first chapter.   I read the series TWICE in less than three weeks.  Yes, there are vampires, but blah, blah, blah.  I am into the wereboys  werewolves, all russet skinned and ripped.  Sighhhh.  Vampires are ice cold like stone.  Wereboys, um, I mean werewolves are hot-blooded and, oh, so lovely.  Just tell your readers I am TEAM JACOB.  They will know what I mean.

Best place ever?  Chicago.  I went this summer with my childhood BFF and we had a blast.  It appealed to me as a world traveler, a teacher, a mom, a single woman on the prowl…well, as much as I prowl. 

Worst place ever?  I am not a huge fan of New Orleans or Washington DC.  They are not horrible, but they just did not get under my skin.  Some cool places and nice people, just not my cup of tea.

I will celebrate MY VERY HAPPY DIVORCE 10^th ANNIVERSARY in April of 2010.  Yep, I have been single for 9 ½ years.  Single parenthood had to work for me because my “X” is practically non-existent in the boys’ lives.  I have my shining moments and then there have been times I am glad there are no cameras in my house.  I had to repeat to myself “You are the adult.  You are the adult.”  Know what I mean?  I just have meltdowns and become human, instead of Super Mom.  Nothing has really changed since I was first divorced because I am still the Boss of Me and I get to make all of the decisions.  Perhaps the thing that has changed is the Macs can pee, poop, get a bowl of cereal, clean up a mess, and dress themselves.  I might have to ask like a gazillion times, but they can do it without my having to do it, much to their chagrin.

I keep it a secret because I want to keep my job as a teacher.  I don’t want to open myself up for lawsuit happy people.  I buy my sister, my close friends, and myself each a house.  I take several trips over the next few years with my family and friends.  I pay off my minivan.  I donate a shitload of it to various charities, many of them having to do with children and Africa, but most of my money goes into savings with my dad being my business manager.  My Dad is the shit when it comes to money and he really is the only man I trust with my life and my money.   I don’t want my life to change drastically.  I love my life the way it is.  Don’t get me wrong.  I won’t turn down the money, but I don’t want to be featured on The Lifestyles of the Rich and Worthless.  I want to make a difference.  I want to make the world a better place.  Aw, dammit.  JOTB is gonna read this and rag on me that Ms. America wants her crown and sash back. But I really do feel this way.  Shhhhh, don’t tell anybody that the Blogoddess has a heart.  I have to protect my cyber creds.