It's the time of the year where we are all frantically searching for the perfect gift. Shopping for men seems to be my Achilles heel around this time. I never seem to know what to get any of the men in my life. You want the really "cool" gift - but quite honestly - most of them are just too expensive.
While although I've decided and/or finished most of my shopping - all I have left is those that actually LIVE in my house, I'll be here for you for the remainder of the season to pass my Christmas gift ideas off to you.
The following is an interesting, and inexpensive gift for anyone. 
At first glance, you may think this is a small watering can. Or maybe a decorative tea pot. You would be wrong. What you are looking at is none other than a Neti Pot. A what you ask? Well - if you would be so kind as to watch the following video - you will understand quite quickly what a Neti Pot is.
I'll wait here.......
Neti Pot Demo
Ok - I'm going to let that sink in for a minute.....
Yes, ya'll - it's a sinus cleansing system. Interesting, don't you think?
About this time last year, I was battling cold after cold, sinus infections, bronchitis, and other assorted ailments. Since it was also the time where both my Uncle and Grandfather passed away - I was spending more time on an airplane - and less time in a doctors office.....needless to say my cooties lived for quite some time. By the time I finally made it to the doctor - I was so infected that he was afraid that an antibiotic wasn't going to be able to push through the crap to start to heal me. Enter the Neti Pot.
At first I told him that he was clearly smoking crack, and there was no way in hell I was going to give my brain an enema by shoving a tea pot up my nose. He simply patted me on the head - held my antibiotic hostage and sent me on my way to CVS with instructions to come back after a week to free my drugs.
What was a girl to do? I wanted the drugs...Needed the drugs...So, a little nose flushing was a small price to pay for the good stuff.
First of all - let me assure you that the first time you do this - you look NOTHING like the video. Still a year later, I am no where near as graceful as that woman.
The best way I can explain it is this:
Were you ever at the pool when you were younger? You jump into the pool, trying to look your best because Mark the cutest boy EVER is in the deep end, and you are hoping he'll notice you? You ever so gracefully do some underwater hand stands...emerge from the water....look dreamily into his eyes...only for him to notice the booger the size of a small Volkswagen hanging out of your nose. It's the same general idea.
Lovely, huh?
As much as I make fun of it (or myself rather), serious allergy sufferers swear by it. I don't use mine everyday. I do however use it every time I feel a cold coming on, the weather changes or when allergy season is on the way. I'm currently using mine every morning due to the dryness of our house. The neti pot right after my first cup of coffee is a very weird way to start the day.
So, there you go. Interesting Christmas Idea #1.
Neti Pot - An Enema For The Nose - and small enough to be a stocking stuffer.....
Shopping online apparently does have it's down side.
My name and address has been sold to so many marketing companies - I'm getting Holiday catalogs for pet supplies - and I don't have a pet.
So, therefore - Today we begin the great catalog Count Off of 2007. How many catalogs will I receive in the mail up to Christmas Day?
Maybe if we are smart enough - at the end we can try to figure out how many entire trees have been mailed to my home over a 34 day period.
There are a few silver linings I suppose.
1. I have an endless amount of bathroom reading material
2. I now have blogging material shipped directly to me free of charge
However, this is going to do nothing to help my daughters catalog addiction.
Today's count:
12 catalogs.
I'm totally not kidding.
I probably won't be able to post a whole lot for the next few days. I've got the in-laws (mother/father and sister) coming to visit for about a week. Now, while I'm sure that the five of us crammed into our house for six days will give me all sorts of material to use.....I'll wait until the trip is over and embarrass myself later. I'm SURE I will either do or say something completely asinine over the next week.
So, since I have no real purpose of this post - mostly just to say I'm not going to be posting - I'll leave you with a couple of tidbits that are bouncing around in my head.
****************************************************************
My office was having their annual client appreciation "shin-dig" this last weekend at a local restaurant. The off-spring and I went over just the two of us, for a couple of hours. I, personally, don't have any clients - but since I work for the owners - technically I have about 10,000 clients. So, no problem showing my support. Not to mention she and I got free food.
On the way there - I realized that most of the folks I work with haven't seen her in about a year. Back before I started working full-time, I was bringing her in the office all the time...Now....not so much. I work with these people on a daily basis - I don't want to see them on my day off!?!?
So, following the ritual that most mother's do....I paraded her around the joint to show off how I was able to create something so attractive!
Do you know that movie "Soap Dish" - (funny ass movie by the way). There's a scene where Sally Field, famous soap opera actress, is feeling "down" - so Whoopie Goldberg takes her to the mall and pretends to not know her...says her name really loud - and then all of a sudden all her fans are surrounding her and asking her for her autograph.
THAT was exactly what Saturday turned out to be. Next time I'm feeling down about myself - I'm going to exploit my daughter and put her on display where lots of people will see her.
I mean SERIOUSLY - how often I heard the words:
"Oh My Gosh - She is the cutest thing I have EVER seen...(pause) Oh, she looks JUST like you!"
heh.
****************************************************************
A women I work with brought in her "left over" Halloween candy. What was supposedly "left over" turned out to be a Costco size TUB O'CANDY. I'm not kidding - it was like 30 pounds of assorted goodies.
We dumped it all in a paper box and set it out in the bull pin area of the office.
After two weeks of it sitting out - I can now safely say:
No one in America likes 3 Musketeers. There is NOTHING left of that box - except for about 312 mushed, bite size 3 Musketeer bars.
****************************************************************
You know how you get a song stuck in your head, and you can't get it out no matter what you do? You wake up in the morning singing it. You sing it nonchalantly in front of other people hoping to 'pass it off' to someone else? Well, I've had a song stuck in my head for about 24 hours now...I can't get rid of it - and I certainly can't try to pass it off.
My daughter was singing it yesterday afternoon.
The words are:
Boobie.
Over and over and over. To the tune of a conga line.
boobie-boobie boo-bie. boobie-boobie boo-bie.
I mentioned in an earlier post that I don't like to shop. It's really not entirely true - some things I don't mind shopping for....some things I HATE shopping for.
Like clothes. Specifically jeans. I have been cursed with a round top o'body - and a back that goes directly into my legs. (backleg?) In short - a little rounder than I used to be - but have absolutely no arse to speak of.
I will wear a pair of jeans until the last stitch has unraveled, the levi or gap patch in the back resembles a see through iron on, and my husband is politely asking not to be seen with me in public. At which point I grab a pair of scissors and convert them to "work shorts".
Unfortunately, today was the day where I had to go and finally buy a new pair. It was an eye opening experience on many levels.
For example:
Did you know that this time of year, women who are slightly larger on the top region of their bodies - apparently can only wear holiday sweaters. Well, holiday sweaters and very shiny metallic material. It's true. I didn't realize it either until I got to the store and wanted to buy some light knit sweaters for work...only to realize that it's against the rules. I suppose the makers of the shirts/top are thinking that those of us that are a bit rounder will want to camouflage our size with tidings of good cheer. Maybe if we remind people that it's Christmas time - they won't think "Wow, that women has got some knockers!"
I'm not entirely sure what metallic shiny fabric is supposed to do for me. Maybe it's along the line of shiny Christmas ornaments....Which reminds me - I need to start pulling mine out.
Ha - see - it works.
Second thing that I've learned today. Ugly jeans are 'stylish'. Not just ugly - but ugly and dirty looking. Hell, if I knew THAT I would just keep wearing my nasty looking ones.
Come to think of it - maybe I could make a buck or two. I'll take my old jeans and use them to hold grass clippings for a couple of days. Then when they have a nice greenish glow to them, I'll roll around in the mud for a while...let that dry and then for good measure I'll run them over with the van a couple of times.
...and then I'll sell them on Ebay for about $80 bucks.
I can call them organic jeans.
There are only 41 days left until Christmas, however after the buying, wrapping, assorted 'some assembly required' and shipping, there is realistically only about, say 34 days of shopping left. That being said - I am a huge 'online' shopper. Some people may argue that it makes the 'joy of giving' a little more cold - maybe a bit 'you don't really care about what you are giving'.....I think that's crap. Just because I don't get in my car, drive to the mall, wander aimlessly, stand in line, and end up leaving with only one gift for someone - but 10 things for myself.....does not make me delight less in the gifts I get for my loved ones.
I would much rather think that by shopping online I am a far more enjoyable person to be with. I have more time to decorate my home, spend time with loved ones, sit in front of my fire with my family and enjoy a mug of eggnog - with all the time I've saved by NOT going out to shop. Not to mention that by shopping online, I typically already have an idea of what I'm getting someone. I am not wandering stores blindly thinking that something will jump out at me and scream "Brooke Would Love Me - Buy Me Today"
Truthfully - there are very few things that I don't have delivered to the house. Clothes are pretty easy to come by if you know your size, groceries are easily delivered by Giant to my front door step, and for the array of other items that we may need there is buy.com. If I could find/and or trust someone to ship it to me - we could probably have beer and cigarettes delivered as well (that's where Giant draws the line).
So, while doing some pre-Christmas shopping this weekend, I came across an interesting website. You ever gone to a site you know, click on a link, and then another - and the next thing you know you are somewhere you've never been before - but have actually found a little golden nugget of the cyber world? Well, I wouldn't exactly call this golden by any stretch of the imagination, but I do think they've carved a little niche for themselves.
Before I share it with you - I would like to explain the type of person I am - and why I think this website is ingenious. I am the type of person who is embarrassed easily. Not at the stupid things that I say, or by tripping in front of a room full of people - but just by 'normal' things. For example: I can't buy condoms. Never have been able to. Now, I'm a married woman - with a child -pretty obvious that my husband and I have enjoyed each other....at least once, right? Nope. Can't do it. My face will turn red - and I am convinced that every person at CVS is staring at me like I'm a whore.
In my 33 years I have bought them ONCE. About a year or so ago I was making a grocery list and I asked him if there was anything else we needed. He responded, "we need laundry detergent, some eggs, and condoms". I gently explained to him that it was more likely that I would bring him home a soap making machine and some live chickens....before I bought condoms. However, while at the store I managed to grab the closet box of Trojans I could find and throw them in the basket. At checkout I cleverly disguised them between the tissue paper and hot dogs.
I was most proud of myself for my accomplishment that day. I never need to buy them again.
OK - so my point!!
www.shopinprivate.com
Makes you think that it's all "PRIVATE" stuff, right? Like the stuff that they sell in the shady stores with discreet black plastic bags for your items, and blacked out window? Nope - it's stuff that you might be embarrassed to buy at the store.
Granted you can still get the other "stuff" there....Which I guess for some people is cool too.
I'm sure there is someone in the world that while walking through their local CVS has thought - "Damn, I really wish I could get my enemas, lice treatment, Rogain and vibrators all at the same place."
CVS and Walgreens.com still sell all those "normal" embarressing things that one may need to purchase - - - but that leaves all those people out who need breast enhancers, a 'Nurse Feelgood' costume, or edible lubricant....They might as well save on shipping.
I had the chance today to break away from the confines of parenthood for a short period of time to see how how other folk live on a Sunday afternoon.
A Sunday afternoon being - very simply - game day.
I now have a theory. A theory about our world, our society, our politics and religion.
Make everyone watch football and drink beer - - and make all of our world leaders make the big decisions on game day.
Yes, granted you are always going to come across the asshole guy who lives and breathes by the winning and losing of the Cleveland Browns...(sorry dude...but you HAD to know that you were going to be the brunt of someones joke today), but generally speaking most people are EXTREMELY passionate about their specific team WHILE the game is going on, and then after a few minutes of bitching and moaning - they get over it and just continue to drink beer with the dude they just met from Minnesota.
When I walked into this particular bar today I knew exactly 2 people. When I left, I knew 47. I will be the first to admit that the majority of them were wearing the same colored shirt that I was, so therefore easy to pick out kindred spirits...but a good part of them wearing the colors of the devil. (that would be any opposing team of mine).
When I walked out shortly after the end of my most victorious game (although a bit too close for comfort), I had hugged and/or shook hands with a good portion of people that just three hours earlier had been cursing the day I was born, the horse that I rode in on, the mother that bore me, the state in which I was cheering for, the car I drove, plagues on any pets I may own in the future, and generally hoping that I burn in hell for all of eternity.
I think in general people are very passionate about those things that they love and/or hate...be it football or politics. Give our country leaders a case of beer and a big screen tv and let them work out our most pressing issues at the time ... Yes, they will scream and bitch during - but nine times out of ten, someone WILL win, and the loser, while although irritated - knows they've lost and is okay with it....
Until next week.
Yes, I realize in the real world this probably won't work.
All I'm saying is this.....Half of the people in that bar today hated the other half. By the end of the day - everyone loved everyone.
Except for that asshat from Cleveland.
I've posted quite a few times in the last few months of the joys of home ownership. Although the husband and I have been home owners of many properties over the years - this being our first single family. Personally, I think I've done pretty well - all things considered.
We've left the comforts of our almost new, modern convenience, master bathroom the size of a small basketball court, 'luxury town home' (it was on the brochure, i swear) - for the smaller square footage, squeaky floor, god forbid you need to both be in the bathroom at the same time, what the hell color do you call THAT, I can't believe I have to go to the basement to do my laundry single family home.
The better part of the last few months has been spent 'fixing' the horrible taste of homes previous owners...(Who paints a dining room baby blue and lime green - it looked like a baby boys room on acid). And of course - a large amount of work done to the backyard in our quest for the perfect BBQ setting. A good portion of my problems with all of that, were of course, the parade o' rodents in the backyard. And as most of you know - the swing set did show up and was quickly put together for the enjoyment of the spawn.
Why am I telling you all this again, you ask? This is why.
The weekend before we received our swing set, I was quietly wandering the land in which I now own looking for the perfect spot in which the child would have optimal swing set fun. Can't be too close to the fence - or she'll have to refrain from top sliding speed. Can't get too close to the other fence or we'll run the risk of the freak impalement accident should she ever decide to let go of the swing and go flying. So, as I'm in my head - pondering the great wonder that is me....
I almost step on this:
....and then screamed like a little girl.
Ok - so here's the deal. I've had enough.
I GET that he isn't poisonous. AND I DON'T CARE.
He's a freakin' snake man. In MY backyard.
- Killing wasps of death - at least they buzzed, I could hear them coming from a mile away.
- Groundhog - he only came out when no one else was around - not to mention he was HUGE so, I could always tell when he was coming.
- Rabbits - kind of cute to tell you the truth.
Snake? NOT COOL.
Winter is pretty much officially here (which by the way ... WTF happened to Fall??) This little bastard better hibernate or something.
Assuming that the cold weather will keep all creatures and the like out of my yard....I figure I have about five months to strategize and come up with a suitable plan of attack for next spring.
Michael Keaton trying to explain to his 5 year old son why it's time to get rid of his nasty shredded 'woobie', is one of the greatest scenes in the classic "Mr. Mom".
Thankfully we have never really had any sort of attachment issues in our house. She's never been too particular about one doll/blanket over the other. As a matter of fact- she was never much of a pacifier or thumb sucker as well. She's a equal opportunity player...Each toy/blanket/or woobie'esqe type of item all gets their fair share of time.
However, something has happened recently that...well...I find odd. I'm not concerned about it by any means...but it's just....I don't know...weird.
Once we moved her into her new big girl room and big girl bed - she decided that she wanted to be able to have her books in her bed with her. I thought that was fine. I, of course, told myself that my child is so brilliant that she chooses to read a bit before she falls asleep.
Then one evening the March 28 1994 edition of Time Magazine was what HAD to be in bed with her. I'm not kidding - she held on to like it was a baby. Personally - if I woke up in the middle of the night and had THIS staring back at me - I would flip out. But days and weeks went by and it never seemed to scare her. So, that's fine....whatever helps her sleep. Can't imagine a magazine in her bed can HURT her, can it?
Well....The Day of the Tiger is over. We've moved on. The remains of the old Tiger cover now lay bleeding with torn pages shoved under the bed.
Our new obsession: She MUST know that Christmas is coming.
Early this morning, at about 3:00 am, came shrieking cries from her bedroom. I shuffle my way down to find out what's going on. Simple fix. She can't find her magazine. I'm not kidding - I handed her catalog back to her and she was asleep in seconds. Lillian Vernon tucked snuggly underneath her arm and cheek.
I don't think she's seen the new Toys R Us catalog yet.
The directions said that it would take "two adults roughly 6-12 hours to assemble"....Well, it took one adult about 15, so I figure not all that bad.
The backyard before:
The backyard after:
She LOVES it. She'll go down the slide, and then the first swing, down the slide, the second swing, down the slide and then the last swing....Start the process all over.
We're hoping this will help us to run her exhausted in the morning hours so she'll start napping again. At this point even RESTING would be okay.
Grab My Button
Grab My Feed
