The Mini Van Soap Box

I've posted quite a few times in the last few months of the joys of home ownership. Although the husband and I have been home owners of many properties over the years - this being our first single family. Personally, I think I've done pretty well - all things considered.

We've left the comforts of our almost new, modern convenience, master bathroom the size of a small basketball court, 'luxury town home' (it was on the brochure, i swear) - for the smaller square footage, squeaky floor, god forbid you need to both be in the bathroom at the same time, what the hell color do you call THAT, I can't believe I have to go to the basement to do my laundry single family home.

The better part of the last few months has been spent 'fixing' the horrible taste of homes previous owners...(Who paints a dining room baby blue and lime green - it looked like a baby boys room on acid). And of course - a large amount of work done to the backyard in our quest for the perfect BBQ setting. A good portion of my problems with all of that, were of course, the parade o' rodents in the backyard. And as most of you know - the swing set did show up and was quickly put together for the enjoyment of the spawn.

Why am I telling you all this again, you ask? This is why.

The weekend before we received our swing set, I was quietly wandering the land in which I now own looking for the perfect spot in which the child would have optimal swing set fun. Can't be too close to the fence - or she'll have to refrain from top sliding speed. Can't get too close to the other fence or we'll run the risk of the freak impalement accident should she ever decide to let go of the swing and go flying. So, as I'm in my head - pondering the great wonder that is me....

I almost step on this:

....and then screamed like a little girl.

Ok - so here's the deal. I've had enough.

I GET that he isn't poisonous. AND I DON'T CARE.

He's a freakin' snake man. In MY backyard.

• Killing wasps of death - at least they buzzed, I could hear them coming from a mile away.

• Groundhog - he only came out when no one else was around - not to mention he was HUGE so, I could always tell when he was coming.

• Rabbits - kind of cute to tell you the truth.

Snake? NOT COOL.

Winter is pretty much officially here (which by the way ... WTF happened to Fall??) This little bastard better hibernate or something.

Assuming that the cold weather will keep all creatures and the like out of my yard....I figure I have about five months to strategize and come up with a suitable plan of attack for next spring.