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I'm quite certain that if the Easter Bunny was real....He would be sitting in his office right now, discussing with his staff how much of a total asshole I am - and how best to take me out.

After church on Sunday, we went to lunch with my folks - hugs and kisses goodbye and then got in the car to drive home. As I pulled out of the parking lot I said to her "So, what do you want to do today sweetie?"

She looked at me like I was a complete idiot...."Um...eggs Mama"

Oh. Shit.

Right. It's Easter. And the Easter Bunny comes on Easter. And hides eggs. And gives baskets full of crap.

So, in a moment of total brilliance, I blamed the LACK of hidden eggs and baskets and goodies ON the Easter Bunny. I'm totally not kidding you. I simply explained that the Easter Bunny probably thought that she was in Texas with me for the funeral and assumed she wouldn't be home for Easter, so skipped our house this year. "But I'll bet you'll get TWO Easter baskets next year!" I said.

And you know what? It worked. Like a charm. She wasn't mad - or even upset at all.

"Really?!?! Two baskets? Cool!"

And that was it. Easiest. Child. Ever. That, or she's brilliant and has learned at an early age how to double her haul.

Is it wrong to blame a childhood idol for my mistakes? Probably. However, the guilt I have over not having this kid in Sunday School - I've never really talked about the Easter Bunny all that much. I want to make sure I have some church stuff in her, before I let Easter become the "chocolate bunny" holiday. Furthermore....I've been a bit flighty this last week. Not to mention, I really think my husband should at least take a little bit of the blame on this one.

All excuses, I'll admit. And I totally draw the line at blaming Santa. That's just cruel. Not to mention, fiscally stupid. There's no WAY I could double up the next year.

P.S. This is just part one of the story. Next week you'll get "Why Grandparents Suck - Blaming the Easter Bunny Part 2" This is what happens when your parents find out you screwed over their grandchild for Easter.


Aunt Becky said...

I am not sure how, but I've tried like 40 times to get you into my reader because I heart you. My reader ignores my requests! PUNCH THE READER.

And we're doing our egg hunt this weekend. Thank you, Stomach Flu.

Dana's Brain said...


I'm totally going to end up blaming the Tooth Fairy one day for forgetting the money. It's just inevitable.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...