My older sister, Big B, is about 5 years older than I am. Despite the age difference, she and I have always been close. She always let me hang with her and her friends when she was in high school....let me come visit her in college - even took me to a college party where she let me tell everyone that I was a freshman marketing major. She was so cool - she even held my hair back for me when I spent the rest of the night blowing chunks in her dorm room after drinking two wine coolers. Sisters don't get more awesome than that.

Given all that - the years since, the husbands, kids, and despite the fact that we have barely lived in the same state since 1992....Rarely does a week go by that we don't talk.

However, given the age that we live - very few of those conversations actually happen on a phone. In fact, we could both be on a permanent helium high or walking around talking into Peter Framptons voice box and no one would be the wiser.

Almost all of our conversations happen over IM. It started in the very beginning, when AOL was the coolest shit since the Commodore 64 and hearing your computer from the other side of the room, make that horrible "BlaBleep" sound, was always a little party.

It works well on all sorts of fronts. First and foremost - neither of our houses are especially quiet. With two husband, three kids, and an entire zoo of animals between us - quick phone conversations are just not possible. The IM allows us to say what we what/need, and then walk away.

Anyway, about a million years ago, Big B accidentally sprayed her keyboard with ant poison.

Don't ask - Stupid shit like that runs rampant in my family.

I hadn't thought about it in years...but while cleaning out my computer I found that I had actually saved the conversation.

Big B says: sorry fabout the typing- my keyboafrd is broken, fand it types fan "f" with every "a"
Big B says: very afnnoying
Kid says: it's ok. I figured something was wrong......or you were wasted. ;)
Big B says: heheh
Big B says: only 7 here.

Big B says: fanywfay.. so how afr ehtings? I refally cfan't stfay on.
Big B says: I smell fand TJ will be home soon. Wfannfa go shower or wipe my pits or somehting
Kid says:'s taking me a minute to respond I'm trying to figure out what your saying. :) Things are fine. Just about to head to bed.
Big B says: OH, fand everytime I use the exclfamfation mfark, I get fa money symbol fas well.
Kid says: Get a new keyboard!!! If I WAS drunk - I wouldn't understand anything you were saying!
Big B says: This typing is falmost comicafl, factuaflly...
Kid says: falmost comicafl factually.
Big B says: I'm gonnaf safve this for him to refad!$
Kid says: I'm laughing so hard right now.
Big B says: me too.
Kid says: fact u a fly.
Big B says: " I'm gonnaf safve this for him to refad!$" whfat the hell doeafs THFAT mefan?
Big B says: im crying
Kid says: refad.
Big B says: afnd everytime i rafise me farms to wipe my teafrs, i smell my pitts fand thfat mfakes me cry more
Big B says: rafise my ffarms...
Kid says: raise your farms!!!!!! LOLLOLOLO
Big B says: wafs i trying to mfake fa point?
Kid says: stop it. stop it. i'm crying.
Big B says: fa little lafughter is good for you.
Kid says: it's like German meets the priest from Princess Bride.
Big B says: hafhfahfahafhfahfa
Kid says: haf
Big B says: it's like german meets the preist for Princess Bride." I like thfat$! Exfactky$!
Kid says: LOLOLOL
Big B says: I hafve to go tfake fa shower now before my mfan gets home.
Kid says: Ok. I'll talk to you later.
Kid says: Get a new keyboard!
Big B says: I love you$!
Kid says: I love you too.
Big B says: Yeafh$! Isprfayed afnd poison on this one
Big B says: I didn't mefan to. I wfas trying to get fa plfauge of afnts on my desk, fand kindfa got it on the keybofard. It hfasn;t recovered...
Big B says: OK$! I will tfalk to you lfater!$ I fam safving this for TJ!$

You'll have to excuse the excessive use of "LOL"....but it was back when excessive LOL'ing was ROTFL super cool - and I was nothing if not super cool back then.

I'm sure that this is probably only funny to my sister and I...but I think it's a freakin' riot.

If nothing else - you can use it as a Public Service Announcement.

Don't spray ant poison on your keyboard....If you do, someone may save it and post it on the internet one day.


MadWomaMeg said...

Actually it's slightly reminiscent of a conversation that my sister and I would have today. Sad really. Although I believe ours has less "LOL"s and more "WTF"s in it.

Happy Mother's Day!

Big Kahuna said...

I'm still laughing ....

C-Rah said...

Actually, that is pretty hilarious! :oD

mumma boo said...

That's too funny! Kind of like IM conversations I've had with my sister - who can't type even when there's no ant poison gluing the keys together. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh shit...I have tears running down my face. I was LOL in a big way, to where someone walked past my office to see what was so funny.. Of course I'm the boss I couldn't say, OMG this blog post.. I blamed you tube.