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I suppose for the most part, I've ignored them. There have been little indications here and there over the last 4 or 5 years - but there always seemed to be a rational way of brushing them off.

A gray hair here. A little wider there.

Unfortunately, it's painfully clear - I'm getting older, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about.

Sure, I can color the gray hair. I can work out and eat right - but it's the MIND of the older person that is surprising me.

I'm starting to TALK like an older person - I'm starting to THINK like an older person. When did this happen?? Maybe when I had my daughter, the change started. Maybe the change is so gradual, that you barely notice until the transformation is complete.

While part of my brain would still like to believe that I'm at least a little bit hip....the simple truth is that I am not. I have absolutely NO idea what channel MTV is - and even if I found it - I would have no idea what the hell they were talking about. I have no earthly clue why it's apparently so cool to have your pants hanging down around your knees. And I really couldn't care less who Jessica Simpson is dating or why Britney Spears doesn't wear underwear.

Lately I've found myself saying:

"Crazy Kid Drivers!"

"Holy Shit - Did you know how much sodium is in this??"

However, the most painful sign of them all was last Tuesday, while trying to buy a pair of shoes for a friends wedding.

There was a time, in the not so distant past, that I could walk around all day in a sexy pair of 3 inch heels, and then dance the night away in the same pair. Apparently no more.

I looked like Bambi trying to walk for the very first time. I found myself muttering to other patrons - "when did stiletto's come back into style" "Can ANYONE walk in these things?"

"What asshole Italian designed this shoe? Does he hate feet or just women?"

I ended up buying a pair of sensible Anne Klein low heel pumps. I'll probably still be in traction for days.

Speaking of signs...

You ever see those street signs that say "SLOW : Children At Play"? I was driving to the gym the other day and saw one of those...However, all it said was "SLOW CHILDREN". No graphic. No punctuation. Just "SLOW CHILDREN", all in caps.

I got this image of every child in the neighborhood was stuck in some space time continuum, walking around in slow motion. Or a place where all the happiness had been sucked out of the air and children walked around all day just looking at their feet.

Yea, these are the things I think about....


MadWomanMeg said...

Oh I am so with you. Heels?? Who the hell designs those things? I swear it's a man or Barbie's twin. There is no way that I can wear heels anymore. I live in flats or at the very MOST a one inch heel.

You get a picture in your head of kids trapped in some space time thingy....I get a picture in my head of kids in Dunce caps. It's like an announcement "Watch out, our town is full of dumb kids". Politically incorrect? Yes. Funny? Hell yeah!

mumma boo said...

Let's see, I gave up heels about 6 years ago. Anything over an inch and I have shin-splints for days. I have two pairs in my closet which only see the light of day at weddings or funerals. And even then, I've got the comfy back-up shoes in the car. Gah - I am old! And those slow children signs always crack me up. Apparently the quick ones can take care of themselves and don't need special signage. Speaking of kids, Kerrie, I'm still laughing about the "Ho Fish" nickname. I'll have to be careful not to let that one slip in public. :-)

Sam said...

Ha ha - I know what you mean about those that think it's so cool to wear jeans that fall off!! I was walking behind a young couple this morning and every ten seconds he had to hitch his jeans up - I was so sure they were going to fall off at any moment!! (it drives me crackers too because it just looks stupid!)