**caution to male readers...I'll apologize before hand**

About once a year I'll have an "Oh Shit" moment, and I'll spend an entire day with my calendar, calling every doctor that I know. Primary Care, Dentist and the dreaded OB. You would think it wouldn't be that difficult of a task, however the lovely people that my husband works for, decide to change our health insurance EVERY DAMN YEAR, so I have to find new doctors.

So, I had my "oh shit" moment a couple of weeks ago, and over the course of the next two weeks will visit all of them. The interesting thing about THIS "oh shit" moment is that I haven't had one in about...oh I don't know...three years!

That's right ladies and gentlemen - I haven't had my hoo-hoo checked in over three years. Or my blood drawn. Or my teeth checked. That's not to say I haven't seen over a hundred doctors in the last three years - it's just never been for me. (save the yearly Urgent Care visit for bronchitis).

I would love to say it's because I'm busy. I would love to say that it's because I'm really just THAT healthy, that I don't need to go. But the truth is - I just don't wanna. Which is really stupid. Especially in my family. My family is riddled with coochie issues.

Believe me when I say that I would rather have a tooth pulled than get my plumbing checked.

I really thought that after HAVING A CHILD and the having the entire 2nd floor of the hospital see me butt ass naked would change my 'prudeness' over seeing the OB, but alas, it has not.

I actually spent a good portion of the day searching for an OB that used actual GOWNS instead of those mortifying paper jackets! That's my criteria when choosing a doctor people - what ensemble I get to wear when I'm there. I didn't find one. What is that about? Are these people too lazy to do laundry - it's just easier to throw away the paper jackets? And let me assure you - One size does NOT fit all.

I know it's more of an underlying fear that something WILL be wrong. And then I'll have to go back. And get shit scraped out, again. And then get shit frozen, again. And then test it, again. It's just such a pain in the ass.

Regardless of my feelings, I will go. On the 12th. At 2:30 pm. Interestly enough, my last Laser Hair removal appointment is earlier that day.

It'll be the day of the vagina.

2 comments:

Ms Picket To You said...

Diet Coke up my nose on that last line.

I used to shave my legs for hot OB (seriously, he was dreamy) and then I remembered he was probably not gonna be looking at my legs.

Note to self: make drs appointments pronto.

Kate said...

Looks like you're in NOVA? If you're near Ashburn or Reston, try "Perfectly Female." The practice name totally sounds like a douche, but they do use cloth gowns and lap covers. The practice is also all women, which I prefer. You may find the practice under "Evelyn Felluca." They tend to have a lot of turnover (she tends to take on younger doctors who inevitably get married or have their own babies), but I've liked all of the staff I've met over the last 7 years.

Kate