The Mini Van Soap Box

Hey Booger....

I'm not entirely sure why 5 years seems like such a benchmark age; maybe it's because it's the age you have to be before starting kindergarten - which is about to open an a whole new world to you, or maybe it's just a nice neat number that fits all on one hand. But either way, today you are five years old, and let me be the first to say that I am amazed that we haven't totally and completely screwed you up.

There are some things that you know about me already - things that you have decided all on your own. I'm sure you think that I'm funny and silly - but also firm and strict. I imagine that's confusing to you. You probably think that I say no too much - and have weird rules about bedtime, holding my hand, Sponge Bob Square Pants and those little Bratz girls. I further confuse you when I let you stay up late for no good reason, give you pancakes for dinner or let you play in the sprinkler with your clothes on. All in all, 5 years old can be a very confusing age.

But let me tell you some things about your ol' mom that you don't know yet, but I'm sure will find out soon enough. I am a big freak of paranoid nature. I'm scared of everything, and there has not been a moment in the last 1,827 days that I have not been in a constant state of fear. I'm perfectly aware that you are going to fall and scrap your knee, fall off your bike, get your finger caught in a car door and get your heart broken....those are the things that I know will happen, and while although I wish they wouldn't - they will. Just know that I will always be behind you to pick you back up and put you back on the bike, or get your finger out of the door - or to break the legs of the boy that screwed you over.

However, these are not the things that scare me the most - it's everything that I can't put a band aid on that is the scariest. Everything outside the walls of our house...everything I can't see. All of those horrible things that seem to happen to "everyone else". Basically all the reasons why your father won't let me watch the news anymore.

I know you won't understand any of this right now - part of me is glad you don't understand. But when I'm getting in on you because you run away from me at the grocery store - or because you still haven't nailed the whole "look both ways" before you cross the street....Just know that there is a reason. There is a reason for everything. I don't say no to be mean, and I don't yell because I like the sound of my voice.

I do these things because I love you. Too much.

Now go eat your broccoli.