The Mini Van Soap Box

I have Tuesdays off of work. It wasn't exactly by choice that this happened - but as long as the real estate market is in the crapper - we had to make some cut backs at the office. Financially it hurts to lose a whole day of pay, but we all agreed to take one for the team. Now that it's been this way for a while I've come to realize that my Tuesdays are a God send. I have a full time career, I'm a full time mother and a full time wife. That a lot of things on a "to do" list.

The point?

I was able to schedule my first personal trainer session yesterday during the day.

I think I'll beg my boss to let me come back to work full time now.

We started at 10:00 am sharp with the obligatory questionnaire session. "Do you have diabetes, do you have bad knees, are you a cross dresser and dance naked in your backyard" All fairly easy questions and for the most part I was pretty honest. Took my weight, age, height, body fat and DNA sample and we were off to the gym. (DNA sample in case I spontaneously combust and they have to identify my body)

An HOUR and FORTY FIVE minutes later - I finally had to stop her. If this was truly what she wanted me to do every other day as a routine, I might as well divorce my husband right now. There was no way I could devote two hours to the gym every day. I realize that in HER world - FITNESS is the "thing" and I respect that - But honestly, I don't give a shit about your "thing". I just want to lose some weight, look better/feel better. Just because I joined a gym does not mean that I'm prepared to change every aspect of my life. I will not start filling my pantry with granola, rice cakes and low-cal cheese....that stuff just tastes bad.

Anyway, I'm typically the type of person that if I'm uncomfortable or anxious I'll make jokes. Which I did for the ENTIRE time I was with the reincarnated Ghangis Khan. And now a day later - I'm thinking she doesn't "get me". When she pulled the exercise ball out - I commented "Oh, I have one of those", she seemed happy about that until I explained to her that we use it to see how long you can sit on it without spilling your beer.

After all the sweating was done for the day I got the "talk". A good solid half hour where she lectures about what to eat and how to eat it. I nodded my head and agreed with everything she said - all the while knowing perfectly well that I was lying through my teeth and that she would have to pull the white bread out of my dead cold hand before I gave it up.

Oh - and did you know that breakfast is THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY. Yea, I didn't realize that either. Easy enough -McDonald's is right across the street from my office - I can just go through the drive through every morning.

And then her head blew up.