The Mini Van Soap Box

I've gotten some nice emails over the last week or so asking about the spawns recovery and how she was doing. It was rough going for a while, but we are back in school full time and about 95% back to normal. Thank you for the concern.

However, I truly don't feel as though I stressed strongly enough last week the extent of this child's breath. As was explained to me when leaving the hospital, I should expect her to have bad breath, and not to be concerned about it. It is even typed in her discharge papers "No Amount of Toothpaste or Mouthwash will help"....something about surgeries involving the throat/mouth and tissue and the healing process....However, I had a puffy faced, drugged up, crying child, so I wasn't really listening to anyone at that moment.

I do remember thinking though "How bad could it really be? She's 3 1/2 for cryin' out loud!"

Ho. ly. Crap.

She could kill someone with this breath. From 20 paces.

To make matters worse, take the bad breath and then throw "mommy, I'm siiiiiiick..... hold me" in the same pot ... That's a huge grease fire waiting to happen. All she wanted for DAYS was to be held and coddled, kissed and pet. Normally, my heart would melt in these situations - but given the circumstances - the only reaction it evoked was that my eyes wouldn't stop watering and I have a crick in my neck from constantly making sure it's not my arm pit that smells like a septic tank disaster.

Thursday night, two days after the surgery, she woke up middle of the night screaming for me. I ran in there, scooped her up and brought her in with me to catch a few more winks of sleep. Some time later I was roused out of my sleep by this interesting noxious odor. In my head, given that I'm half asleep and my eyes are shut, I could only assume that my husband was sleep farting directly in my face. I actually pictured in my head that the only way it could be THIS bad, was if he stood up in bed, squatted down and farted directly into my face.

At this point, I'm wondering if there is a sleep study that I could enroll him in. Honestly, this could be detrimental to our marriage. God Forbid he ever had to travel with a colleague and share a room?

However, as I'm sure you've guessed, I pop open one eye to see my sweet angel face child not but two inches from my nose....breathing on me.

This will now be known as "The Time Of the Ass Baby".